Monday, December 30, 2013


I figured, "Let's close 2013 with a bang and do something I haven't done in a long time" - that is, come up with a Top Ten List.  And reading little tidbits from OCP's infamous planning tool (and what a "tool" it is), Today's Liturgy.

For example, there is an article in the issue pictured (which includes planning pages from March 5 through June 14, 2014) by the new director of the editorial board, Rick Modlin.  This editorial board that he now leads (replacing the retiring Randy DeBruyn) is responsible for deciding what hymns, songs, and muzak will be included in your next missalette or music issue.  Considering that the bulk of Mr. Modlin's own compositions are material for OCP's teenybopper hymnal, Spirit and Song, I don't see much improvement.  But anyhoo, let's get back to this article...

Learning a New Song: Part 2, by the aforementioned Modlin, is on page 16 of the current Today's Liturgy.  It gives tips for guitarists, singers, cantors, soloists, choristers (I'm very surprised they even used the term "choristers" - that's a first in the 30+ years I've known of OCP's books), and ensembles.  NOT ONE IOTA OF ADVICE FOR ORGANISTS!!!  Yeah, you know, organists, those men and women who play the instrument that the Catholic Church bids us to hold "in high esteem" (per order the Constitution on Sacred Liturgy and Musicam Sacram)!  Par for the course, you see, as you hardly ever see an organ or a traditionally-based choir promoted in these periodicals, but plenty of pianos and guitars.  And their accompaniment book is not an "organ accompaniment" book, but a "keyboard accompaniment" book (just in case the church doesn't have an organ, but a piano or one of those digital synthesizers, or even an accordion).  Betcha ten-to-one their staff would be foaming at the mouth at me if I was to suggest they call their "guitar accompaniment" book a "stringboard accompaniment".  After all, what if it wasn't a guitar?  What if it was a ukelele or a sitar?

ANYHOO, this end-of-2013 edition of the iSNARK!/Christus Vincit Top Ten List is Top Ten Appropriate Subtitles for the Today's Liturgy Magazine.

10. Liturgy instructions according to OCP, as opposed to liturgy instructions according to the Church.
9. Save hundreds of dollars a year on kitty litter by lining your cat's box with our pages.
8. Please don't squeeze the Charmin!
7. Kumbaya for the campfire!
6. How to properly use our "greatest hits".
5. A quarterly guide to self-praise
4. Let me call my friend over.  RAAAAAAAAAAAAALPH!
3. N(a)P(al)M approved!
2. You too can become a liturgist in three easy steps!
And, the number one appropriate subtitle for Today's Liturgy:
1. The Sunday Comics!

Happy New Year from your friendly neighborhood iSNARK!


Richard Chonak said...

11. As A Fire Is Meant For Burning, This Issue Is Meant As A Barbecue Lighting Aid

Brian Michael Page said...

Kinda goes nicely with "Kumbaya for the campfire" :)