Dear Turkeys;And just think, within my last three weeks as a Schwan's salesman I could have gone bowling with the truck on several occasions. But no, I resisted all temptations to mow down clusters of wild turkeys who wander (and I do mean "wander") the streets and yards of various towns in Rhode Island and Southeastern Massachusetts in groups of anywhere from six to as many as twenty. I mean, these gab-birds just walk through yards and streets like it's nothing. At least deer try to run when they see a moving vehicle. The biggest group I encountered had to be in Weymouth, Massachusetts, where there was a group of 20 turkeys just simply making off like a tourist attraction. DAMN IT, THEY COULD HAVE BEEN A FREE THANKSGIVING DINNER!
I am sorry God made you inferior and flightless. Therefore it is your plight to suffer the fate of being devoured by millions of Americans tomorrow. I apologize in advance for the ravenous way in which myself, my family, and the citizens of this nation will masticate your tender juicy golden browned carcass.
But no, I was nice. Instead I was fired last Monday for simply refusing a Saturday. Just as well, as I start a new job either Thursday or Friday of next week. I won't be selling anything, but I will be delivering parcels, at least until Christmas Eve. The hours will be a hell of a lot better than what I endured for Schwan's. At least I can come home in time to eat supper with my family, as opposed to leaving once my kids leave for school and getting home once everyone (including my wife) is in bed, which is exactly the hours I was keeping at Schwan's.
Hope your Thanksgiving was a great one. Mine was. My daughter Jessica cooked her first Thanksgiving dinner, and it was to die for. She did really well, and it reflected on my wife perfectly. She taught her well! ;)
BMP (the proud dad)