FAITH OF OUR RELATIVES (revisited)

In light of that hideous text titled A Living Faith that has been replacing Faith of Our Fathers in every frickin' hymnal that GIA has published since 1997 (to date: RitualSong, Catholic Community Hymnal, Gather Comprehensive Second Edition, and the forthcoming Worship Fourth Edition and God only knows what next), and the thread on my Facebook wall which has gone off to this very topic...

This parody text is one composed by the late Jay Ricketts back in 1998, back when a few of us on the Yahoo! group Contemporary Catholic Music were taking part in a game called "Trash the Hymn". Some of these were quite good. I'm considering putting the whole collection on a .pdf and linking it.

Anyhoo, without further ado, Faith of Our Relatives, by Jay Ricketts (+2008)
Enjoy!
Peace,
BMP

1. Faith of our uncles, aunties too, / each Christmas and Easter they come find a pew
She lost her rosary under the bed / He's got his bible out in the shed
(leveling the legs on his workbench)

Faith of our relatives, lukewarm faith / We might just improve this song to death

2. Faith of our cousins and cousinettes / They haven't seen a Sunday mass yet
Weddings and funerals, a baptism or two / But Sundays they golf, or stay home and get stewed

Faith of our relatives, lightweight faith / We might just improve this song to death

3. Faith of our in-laws, why, only last June / They headed for Sunday mass, at noon
Their first mass in years, but then on a hunch / Drove past the church so they wouldn't miss brunch

Faith of our relatives, marginal faith / We just improved this song to death

THE END AS WE KNOW IT

Not to be confused with Harold Camping's wet dream!

I saw this post by someone ID'd as "PS4Ever" (that is, "Progressive Solemnity 4 Ever") at the RPInet boards that I just couldn't resist. It kinda goes like this:

No more "God of power, God of might" in the Mass of Creation Sanctus.
No more "Glory to God in the highest! SING! Glory to God" in the Mass of Light Gloria.
No more "Hosanna, hosanna... on high..." in the Jesuits Mass.
No more "Jesus, Lamb of God," in the Mass of Creation Agnus Dei.
No more "Christ has died, Christ is risen..." disrupting the middle of the Eucharistic Prayer with an acclamation that never existed in the real Missal.

What ever will we do without this novelty!?
It will be THE END as we know it.

1000 points to PS4Ever for proper use of the word "novelty". But those items listed above are GOOD to see ended!

OH, and no "GIVE glory to God in the highest", also in the Jesuits Mass! And no "Christ has died, alleluia..." by Joe Wise, and no "Alleluia, alleluia, praise the word of truth and life" in Massive Cremation. Can anyone else think of more?

Peace,
BMP

AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT!

Eat your heart out, Harold Camping!
And for any of you who actually believe for one minute that that nut job is or even was a prophet, I have but one word for you: SUCKERS!

Jesus wins again. For He has said, "You do not know the day or the hour!" That goes for you, too, Harold, you prophet-wannabe.

You are now free to go about your life. God will call you when he's ready. That is all.

Peace,
BMP

I USUALLY DON'T WISH DEATH ON ANYONE...

...but in this case, I must make an exception!



or (from Exodus 15, slightly altered):
I will sing to the Lord, for He is gloriously triumphant! With His help, we have hurled bin Laden into the sea!

GOD BLESS THESE HERE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! We can now be at peace, hopefully. And hopefully now we can get our oil and gas prices back down to where they belong!

Peace,
BMP

WEDDING MUSIC

Q: What does a polygamist sing at his wedding?
A: The Anne Murray classic, of course: Can I have this dance with the rest of my wives?

Now, now, did I say this discussion was going to be serious?????!!!!!
Peace,
BMP

YOU BE THE JUDGE

Which anthem is worse? Rosanne's or Christina's?

I say Christina's. To me, Rosanne's was comedy (or at least "attempted comedy"). Christina's was just bad music, not to mention a minute longer - like going to Mass and having to endure four of the worst "Glory and Praise" and "Gather" tunes ever written.
Peace,
BMP

PS: I should add, at least Rosanne got all the words right, and didn't try to scat sing!

Christina Aguilera


Rosanne Barr/Arnold/just plain Rosanne

I LOVE A GOOD PAUL NICHOLS COMIC

Paul Nichols does it again with another great cartoon!



1) The Catholic Restoration Company has plenty of Gregorian Missals and Liber Usualis to go around.
2) The "spirit" above may be off to Los Angeles, but what will happen once their Cardinal finally retires? I mean, when he gets there, the Gather book he's holding may get replaced with Spirit and Song, but after Cdl. Mahony retires, that might get confiscated by the aforementioned CRC.

Peace,
BMP

I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA!

You know all those What is hell? jokes, bulletin bloopers, etc., that you read, like "Sermon: 'What Is Hell?', Come hear our organist play!" or "Come hear our choir sing?"

How about one more realistic? How about:
"Sermon: 'What Is Hell?', Come hear our 'music ministry' belch out a variety of tunes by Haugen, Haas, and Schutte!"

BWA HA HA HA HA HA!
Peace,
BMP

BASEBALL, JOY OF FAN'S DESIRING

Presented by the St. Luke's Bottle Band (Lutheran).



Peace,
BMP

IT'S OBAMA TRIVIA TIME!

OK, folks. All new trivia questions pertaining to the President of the United States, the Abominable Obama, or his full full name, Barack Saddam Hussein Obama Bin Laden, furnished to us by someone at the message boards at Eric Carmen's website. Take notes and study. Pop quiz when you least expect (snark snark!).

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Happy Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

Q: What does Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the Ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America!!

Did you pass? Good!
Peace,
BMP

THE NEW TAX FORM 1040-EZ

Got this from a customer I delivered to the other day...

1040 EZ 2 DO TAX FORM
New Simplified Tax Form

1. How much money did you make? $___________
2. Send it to us.

Thought for the day:
As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice:
When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together,
it spells "THEIRS"?

Peace,
BMP

YOU'VE GOT 40 DAYS TO CLEAR YOUR HEAD...

...and we have just the product to help!


Johnson's Lenten Shampoo - No more alleluias till Easter!
Peace,
BMP

I'M SPARTACUS, UM, I MEAN, SCOTT BROWN

The Caveman has another gem for ya! Enjoy! Explanations here.
Peace,
BMP

ON THE NEXT iSNARK!

It's a known fact that I'm not a big fan of Shall We Gather at the River - well, at least not as a hymn. But, because it's in the public domain, I figured I'd put the tune Hanson Place to better use - as a jingle for König Ludwig Weissbier (introduced by our good snark buddy Jason) the official beer of Christus Vincit Media. Listen below.

Peace,
BMP

AH YES, THE INFAMOUS DIVERSITY COUNCIL

All in the name of "diversity"... Paul Nichols gives quite the fair assessment:



You want REAL diversity in your parish Mass schedule? Let St. John Cantius in Chicago be your guide:
Saturday (Anticipated) 5 PM in English
Sunday:
7:30 Tridentine Low Mass
9:00 English (BTW, the folks at Cantius don't screw around - the bulletin lists the hymns for 9:00 Mass. They use WLP's Seasonal Missalette and use only quality hymns. The Mass chants are generally Mass XVIII for this Mass.)
11:00 Latin (Ordinary Form)
12:30 Tridentine High Mass

Peace,
BMP

SOME OF MY FAVORITE 4th AND 5th GRADE MEMORIES...

One of my old classmates in grade school got me into Baseball Super Freaks. These were some of the most hifreakinlarious stickers, some even funnier than Wacky Packages, that my childhood allowance could buy.

Thanks to David W. at Quasi-Intersting Paraphernalia Inc. (a blog), one can get a glimpse of THE ultimate collection that I couldn't stop LMAO over!

Here are a few of my favorites. Go see David W. for the rest. BTW, I saved my absolute favorite for last!

Peace,
BMP

WANT A GOOD FUNNY YOUTUBE CHANNEL TO SUBSCRIBE TO?

I just subscribed to the Catholic Caveman's own YouTube channel - carolinapadresfan.

After watching his 2010 Predictions on the CC blog, I couldn't resist going to his YouTube site to watch his 12 Days of Caveman Christmas. It is freakin' funny, or as The Crescat would rightly say, it's hifreakinlarious! (He does have some good serious stuff too!)

Here's the 2010 Predictions by the Caveman:


Now, the 12 Days:


Now, GO SUBSCRIBE!
Peace,
BMP

STARTING JANUARY 12, 2010...

...on Fox


Who will last the longest in making a jackass of him-/herself this year?
And what's the latest from William Hung?

Peace,
BMP

THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT

Anyone having a hard time buying/receiving that "perfect Christmas gift"?

Well, Fr. Erik got the ultimate gift, made in an attempt to revive the Chia Pet industry...



Saith Fr. Erik:
I will water him and fertilize him… and put him in the sun....and name him Barry! Then at a time of my own choosing, he will go in a dry, dark closet. And I will repeat the process! Muahahahaha!

Now we need the "Pissed Off Chia Obama", for those days he's foaming at the mouth after learning that someone he just bailed out with our tax dollars just allegedly misspent the money.

Now for something even more frightening... the ChiaPelosi:


Chia Kennedy (Patrick, that is) coming soon.

BTW, Where's OUR bail out?
Peace,
BMP

TOSSMAS 2009

Here it is, the annual Tossmas video. RSCT to the Curt Jester.

Peace,
BMP



UPDATE 12/3/09: I've been seeing some improvement in the Christmas department as of late. WalMart and JC Penney actually say Christmas in their commercials. I've seen that same improvement in a few other commercials that I can't remember the source of at this point. Further, normally I land up boycotting two of my favorite radio stations as of All Saints' Day due to their overkill of 24/7 playing of Christmas muzak, you know, that stuff that passes for yuletide favorites, or as many of the radio stations call them, "holiday favorites". This year, two of those stations waited till 11/15 (whoopie!), and another actually waited until Thanksgiving. To boot, one of the stations that started with the crap on 11/15 actually calls it "Boston's Favorite Christmas Music", instead of all that "holiday" crap. That said, any 24/7 of nothing but Christmas tunes is overkill, at least until Christmas Eve. -BMP