Thursday, August 18, 2016

The Olympics - New Sports Needed!

My first actual blog post in over a month, other than music lists.

The other day, my wife and I, along with our daughter Brittany, got to spend some time babysitting our little grandson Anthony James (A.J.) while our daughter Jessica had some errands to run.  The Olympics were on the boob tube.  They had volleyball, and (get this) horse jumping.

I have a few cool ideas for the horse jumping - you know, an obstacle course for horses, pretty much.  I have some ideas for horse sports altogether, actually.

First of all, lose the formal wear.  I think if you're gonna ride a horse and jump "fences" with it, you should dress like a cowboy - the flannel shirt, the jeans, the ten-gallon hat.  Go western, young man!  Save the formal wear for horse pageants and dog shows. (Ever see them dog shows? Those people dress as if they were going to a funeral!)  Further, when you start to ride your course, holler "Yah!"

Jumping isn't the only horse sport that should be in the Olympics.  I would have no problem with polo (the official sport of Prince Charles), but full contact, like hockey.  Who says horses can't check?

And how about horse racing?  Just think: you can have the Kentucky Derby winner take on horses from all around the world!  Hell, you'd have the highest single off-track betting take in the world!  Yeah, the mob may get in on it, but it might prove to be quite profitable for the Olympics.

Now for some new sports that don't involve horses (or any animals, for that matter).

In the wonderful wide world of water sports, how about a world class cannonballing.  You would do your cannonball from the topmost diving board and be judged according to creativity and how much water you can drain from the pool.  Would be great for guys with bellies like mine.  Speaking of which, there could be a variation of that sport, known as major league bellyflopping.

Back to the field, how about some good old fashioned dodgeball - Billy Madison style!  "O'Doyle rules!"  Also in field sports, I suggest "Red Rover" (would be quite painful, if done right) and "1-2-3 Red Light".

Finally, I feel there should be bullfighting and dueling (in an Aaron Burr-Alexander Hamilton kind of way).  Rollerball would be quite cool also.  Remember that movie from the 1970's?

And come time for the winter games, there could be a winter variant of the aforementioned dodgeball, but using snowballs.

Quod scripsi, scripsi!

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