SOME OFF-TOPIC MISCHIEF THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE CATS

Seven Things You Would See if Rednecks Ruled the World

OK, I haven't posted a good line of redneck jokes since I posted Alabama Improper's Extreme Redneck ditty back in March of last year.

Yesterday, I got in my inbox from my wife the Seven Things You Would See if Rednecks Ruled the World. (captions mine) BTW, since my wife has relatives in Tennessee, I can get away with these things, ha ha ha!


President Nelson promotes his new executive order legalizing moonshine in all fifty states! WOOHOO! Wait, no! It's YEE HAW!


He also gives tips (and leads by example) on how to save a bundle on taxes: DECREASE PROPERTY VALUE!


Air Force One now sponsors NASCAR. Even Jeff Gordon.


One small step for man, one giant step for rednecks!


The Show Must Go On! Therefore, while Martha was doing time, her cuz'n JoBeth ran the empire.


As you can see here, Bill Gates recently opened up a regional office in Chattanooga. These are the first fruits of their labors. And it's fer sale, too! No social security numbers needed. Jest the numbers on yer rifle!


From the JoBeth Stewart Trailer Park Living magazine, proper care for your dentures.

Peace,
BMP

EXTREME REDNECK (Off-topic)

Hat tip to Alabama Improper

YOU ARE AN EXTREME REDNECK IF:
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, “Hey, guys, watch this.”
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the “Star-Spangled Banner” are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

And Finally:
An East Tennessee* couple, both real-live rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed”. The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn’t want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

*I inserted "Tennessee" where it says "insert southern state here" so I can razz my wife's "ant" and "unk" who are from East Tennessee.

Peace,
BMP