CHOIR POSITIONS OPEN

Stumbled on this at one of my message boards. The guy that posted this actually found this real live ad in a real live church bulletin.

Positions open in soprano, alto, tenor and bass. No others need apply.

PHYSICAL QUALIFICATIONS: Must be able to carry light musical notes part way across the sanctuary. Must have sufficient vision to see the director.

EXPERIENCE: No applications will be accepted from persons who have not sung, hummed, or whistled in the bathtub or shower at sometime.

BEGINNING WAGE: Increased satisfaction and joy in the service of God.

FRINGE BENEFITS: Social Security. We promise you the security of social fellowship with other choir members.

HOURS: Thursday evenings from 7 to 8 PM & Sunday mornings. There is occasional opportunity for overtime.

RETIREMENT: Generally determined by the printed notes getting too small, the hymnal too heavy, notes too high, the sanctuary too hot or too cold, or the organist unable to play the notes you sing. We are an equal opportunity employer!

I just might use this for my parish's bulletin during the months of August and September.
Peace,
BMP

SUNDAY XX at HOLY GHOST CHURCH and CHOIR ANNOUNCEMENTS

All the usual Masses :-)
AUGUST 14, 2005
SUNDAY XX

INTRODUCTORY RITES
Processional hymn: ST. THOMAS - For the healing of the nations (Music Issue, #432)
Kyrie and Gloria: recited

LITURGY OF THE WORD
Psalm: Alstott - O God, let all the nations praise you (Missalette, page 48)
Alleluia: Mode VI

LITURGY OF THE EUCHARIST
Offertory hymn: ABBOT'S LEIGH - Lord, you give the great commission (Music Issue, #362)
Sanctus: Vermulst - People's Mass
Mysterium Fidei and Per Ipsum: Danish

COMMUNION RITE
Lord's Prayer: recited
Agnus Dei: Vermulst - People's Mass
Communion hymn: Lafferty - Seek ye first the kingdom of God (Music Issue, #447)

DISMISSAL RITE
Recessional hymn: ASH GROVE - Sent forth by God's blessing (Music Issue, #361)

My choir announcements made this weekend's bulletin (8/7/05).
Senior choir (10:30 Mass) rehearsals will resume on Tuesday 9/6/05 at 6:30.
Junior choir (9:00 Mass) rehearsals will resume on Thursday 9/8/05 at 6:30.
New and returning members always welcome. No audition required.
Also seeking cantors for the 4:30 Saturday Mass and instrumentalists (band/orchestral instruments) for special Masses. Please see me after Mass to arrange for audition.

+In Christ,
BMP