Stumbled on this at one of my message boards. The guy that posted this actually found this real live ad in a real live church bulletin.
Positions open in soprano, alto, tenor and bass. No others need apply.
PHYSICAL QUALIFICATIONS: Must be able to carry light musical notes part way across the sanctuary. Must have sufficient vision to see the director.
EXPERIENCE: No applications will be accepted from persons who have not sung, hummed, or whistled in the bathtub or shower at sometime.
BEGINNING WAGE: Increased satisfaction and joy in the service of God.
FRINGE BENEFITS: Social Security. We promise you the security of social fellowship with other choir members.
HOURS: Thursday evenings from 7 to 8 PM & Sunday mornings. There is occasional opportunity for overtime.
RETIREMENT: Generally determined by the printed notes getting too small, the hymnal too heavy, notes too high, the sanctuary too hot or too cold, or the organist unable to play the notes you sing. We are an equal opportunity employer!
I just might use this for my parish's bulletin during the months of August and September.