Thursday, January 1, 2009


This is hilarious. Posted by Simplex Vir at the Catholic Cavemen blog.

On the first day of 2009, my USCCB gave to me;
Barrack Obama in the White House.

On the second day of 2009, my USCCB gave to me;
two liberal preistesses. and ......... (You mean Poncho Ladies, don't you?)

On the third day of 2009, my USCCB gave to me;
three reasons why we should not kneel, ..........

On the fourth day of 2009, my USCCB gave to me;
four sandled jesuits, .........

On the fifth day of 2009, my USCCB gave to me;
five misinterpretations of the GIRM,........

On the sixth day of 2009, my USCCB gave to me;
six contribution envelopes for ACORN, .........

On the seventh day of 2009, my USCCB gave to me;
seven earth worshiping liturgists, .......... (You mean LiturGEISTS.)

On the eight day of 2009, my USCCB gave to me;
eight examples of cowardice, ..........

On the ninth day of 2009, my USCCB gave to me;
nine new cafegymatoriums, ..........

On the tenth day of 2009, my USCCB gave to me;
ten new feast days for social justice, ..........

On the eleventh day of 2009, my USCCB gave to me;
eleven new prayers for climate change, ...........

On the twelth day of 2009, my USCCB gave to me;
twelve reasons to shut the bums down.......



Adrienne said...

Question (if you have time): the "folk/rock" band played for Mass today. For the Psalms they did 96. I noticed that optional 98 was allowed. Can they just decide to do 96 and the heck with what is called for???

They sang the Gloria to the tune of Angels We Have Heard on High (now that's a train wreck worthy of hearing) and really, I can't even talk about the rest of what they did - it's too nauseating.

I will pray for your New Year's resolutions.

Brian Michael Page said...

Thanks much for your prayers, Adrienne. :)

As for the Psalm for today, the proper responsorial Psalm is Psalm 67 (with the antiphon "May God bless us in his mercy"). Psalm 98 may be used as a "seasonal Psalm" for the Christmas season. Though I'm not for it, it IS allowed.

Psalm 96, on the other hand, is NOT an option for the day. It's merely a proper for Midnight Mass at Christmas with its antiphon "Today is born our Savior, Christ the Lord".

As for the Gloria sung to "Angels we have heard" - if the text is altered, that too is wrong.

I'd be curious as to the rest of the music you had to endure, but if you can't list them for the sake of your stomach, I fully understand. :)


Adrienne said...

Let me get my hubby in to help here...

First - they did rearrange the words to the Gloria to make it fit the music and it still didn't "work." It was just plain weird and very awkward.

O Come All Ye Faithful accompanied by loud strumming, ice-pick-in-the-eardrum guitar, and tamborine Bleh!

Kyrie was some off the wall unsingable thing.

Magnificat was Bernadette Farrell's lame rendition.

Now, don't take a sip of anything right now but........this guy insists on doing the Sanctuary Song (Randy Scruggs) at Communion. Gag inducing plebian nursery rhymne, yes?

Followed by, ta da, Bread of Life.

We're having a problem here because we finally burned our OCP music issue.

Mystery of Faith was some off the wall, never heard before, piece of cr_p that was also unsingable.

The Amen was some call and response thing. JJ led and the sopranos answered and were flat half the time. Of course, the congregation did not have a clue of what they were doing (neither did we)

To finish - we got to sing a very upbeat version of O Little Town of Bethlehem, and damn, if that tamborine wasn't back in the mix. Can you say ca-chunk, ca-chunk??

We're having a problem here because we finally burned our OCP music issue that we had at home -so....there was another song that was just horrible. I think it was 831, but don't take that to the bank.

A holy day of obligation should not be turned into an un-holy day of mandatory musical torture.

We have so few options due to where we live that we are actually contemplating a move to another part of he country where we might have a better chance of not having to endure this.

We usually go to one of our other parish churches on Sat. night because there is no choir at all. Father Nolan, 81 and in fine voice, leads the entrance and recessioanl and the the laity manage the rest quite well by themselves.

Whew - didn't mean to dump on you like this but we get so frustrated and we know you understand.

By the way, here's the website of this musical midget

We finally quit the liturgical committee because we could'nt see the point of banging our heads against a wall. How about "Say the Black, Do the Red?" Simple!

Adrienne said...

Oooops - forgot to delete the first "we're having a problem".......sorry ;-)

Joe of St. Thérèse said...

Happy New Adrienne, torchure, torchure, should be a crime to sing all of that.

Richard Chonak said...

I'm not going to go and quibble with the Cavemen, but isn't most of the wacko liturgical stuff in that list blessedly in the past?

Sandaled Jebbies? Earth spiri-chew-alitee? Social justice self-righteousness? I know they're not all gone, but as far as I can tell, that stuff is way past its peak (besides being past its sell-by date).

Or, dear brethren and sistren, are you still seeing that sort of passe stuff? (Maybe there should be a blog devoted to reports of such stuff!)