DISNEY GONE BAD

OK - just a couple of minutes ago, I heard this quote on a TV show called Life with Derek, found on (of all channels), the Disney Channel:

Hey, wanna go swap spit? Maybe play some tonsil hockey?

The words in itself may not be so bad on a "normal" channel, but come on - this is Disney. My ten-year-old daughter watches this channel. It's one of those channels you would expect to be a clean channel. Pretty sad when you try to exercise parental control and no matter what, you're screwed.
What next?! Never mind.

Peace,
BMP

BAPTISM AT THE TAJ MAHONY

Except that the Cathedral's pastor, not the Cardinal, is performing this baptism. Looks more like a party. Was this once on America's Funniest Home Videos?

WCRSCT to Gerald.



Hors d'euvres in the "gathering plaza" (their words) after the ceremony.
Peace,
BMP

MUSIC FOR HOLY MASS

Sunday XXXII of Ordinary Time - November 11, 2007
Holy Ghost Church, Tiverton, RI

We gather together to ask the Lord's blessing..."Kremser"
Gloria VIII...Mode V
Lord, when your glory appears...Ostrowski
Alleluia...Murray
You satisfy the hungry heart..."Bicentennial"
Community Mass...Proulx
Lord's Prayer (English)...Chant
My shepherd is the Lord...Gelineau
Praise the Lord, ye heav'ns, adore him..."Hymn to Joy"

Peace,
BMP

SURVIVOR: NFL

A special presentation of Christus Vincit Sports



Two undefeated tribes, uh, teams - One coveted prize:
TO REMAIN UNDEFEATED!

And we have a winner:

THE O'MALLEY PATRIOTS!

Final score: O'Malley Patriots 24, Buechlein Colts 20

The Pats were down 20-10 with a little over nine minutes to go in the game, until they came up with two last ditch effort touchdowns: one with almost eight minutes to go, and the final blow with 3:15 left.

Incidentally, 24 is the least amount of points the Pats have scored all season, and is less than half the number of points scored last week (52) against the Wuerl Redskins.

All I can say is: GO PATS!

Peace,
BMP

CAN'T AFFORD TO DRIVE MY CAR (Off-topic)

The gas these days is just way too expensive! Here is Bob Rivers and the Diesles to tell you about it. This might just make me wanna git a horse and ride the horse to church (YEEEEEEEEEE-HAW, YIP-YIP-YIPPEEEEEEEEEE!). Have a six-shooter will travel, y'all!

Enjoy!
Peace,
BMP

IF YOU HAD A SAY IN ALL THIS...

...Who would you vote for?

WCRSCT (WORLD CHAMPION Red Sox Cap Tip) to Domini Sumus, who has the skinny on the forthcoming USCCB elections. I decided to make a meme out of this - thus the first meme I've ever written.

Just like in secular government, unions, and such, our Bishops take part in elections for officers in their little "union". Now - we can't take part in these elections (these are limited to our American bishops). But, if you had your way, who would you vote for?

Here are the ballots:

President and Vice President:
Bishop Gregory M. Aymond of Austin, Texas
Archbishop Timothy M. Dolan of Milwaukee
Cardinal Francis George, OMI, Archbishop of Chicago
Bishop Gerald F. Kicanas of Tucson, Arizona
Archbishop Joseph E. Kurtz of Louisville, Kentucky
Bishop William E. Lori of Bridgeport, Connecticut
Cardinal Justin Rigali, Archbishop of Philadelphia (my pick for pres)
Bishop Dennis M. Schnurr of Duluth, Minnesota
Bishop Donald W. Trautman of Erie, Pennsylvania (hell no!)
Bishop Allen H. Vigneron of Oakland, California (my pick for VP)

Treasurer-elect:
Bishop Michael J. Bransfield of Wheeling-Charleston, West Virginia (my pick)
Archbishop Joseph E. Kurtz of Louisville, Kentucky
(I don't know much about either of these two - so I guessed.)

Committee on Cultural Diversity in the Church (chairman, for a two-year term)
Bishop Richard J. Garcia of Monterey, California (my pick)
Archbishop Jose H. Gomez of San Antonio
(Another pair I know nothing about - so another guess.)

Committee on National Collections (chairman, for a two-year term)
Bishop Ronald P. Herzog of Alexandria, Louisiana (my pick - not a guess)
Archbishop John G. Vlazny of Portland, Oregon

Committee on Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth (chairman, for a three-year term)
Archbishop Roger L. Schwietz, OMI, of Anchorage, Alaska (my pick)
Bishop Kevin W. Vann of Fort Worth, Texas

Committee on Clergy, Consecrated Life and Vocations (chairman, for a three-year term)
Cardinal Sean O’Malley, OFM Cap, Archbishop of Boston (my pick)
Bishop George L. Thomas of Helena, Montana

Committee on Canonical Affairs and Church Governance, chairman-elect
Archbishop Raymond L. Burke of St. Louis (my pick - hands down)
Bishop Thomas J. Paprocki, Auxiliary Bishop of Chicago

Committee on Catholic Education, chairman-elect
Bishop Thomas J. Curry, Auxiliary Bishop of Los Angeles
Bishop Walter J. Edyvean, Auxiliary Bishop of Boston (my pick)

Committee on Ecumenical and Interreligious Affairs, chairman-elect
Bishop Tod D. Brown of Orange, California (hell no!)
Archbishop Wilton D. Gregory of Atlanta (my pick)

Committee on Evangelization and Catechesis, chairman-elect
Bishop Richard J. Malone of Portland in Maine (my pick)
Bishop Richard E. Pates, Auxiliary Bishop of St. Paul and Minneapolis

Committee on International Justice and Peace, chairman-elect
Bishop Howard J. Hubbard of Albany, New York
Bishop William F. Murphy of Rockville Centre, New York (my pick)

Committee for the Protection of Children and Young People, chairman-elect
Bishop Stephen E. Blaire of Stockton, California
Bishop Blase J. Cupich of Rapid City, South Dakota (my pick)
(a guess)

OK readers. TAG, you're it!
Peace,
BMP

THE ENGLISH-SPEAKING CHURCH

getting the short end of the stick!

Damian Thompson is not alone in his rant about Catholic music in England. We have an American priest who lived in England for quite some time, Fr. Dwight Longenecker, who not only calls the Catholic Church in England a wasteland when it comes to liturgical music, but states that the Catholic Church in America is not much better. Truthfully, it's NO better here in the states. Same banal species of ditties, just different "composers" writing them. (World Champion Red Sox cap tip to the Curt Jester)

Fr. Longenecker writes:
Surely a hymn is first, and foremost part of our worship. That means the words are words that we use to address our praise, adoration and worship of God. So much of the stuff I come across isn't that at all. Instead it is sentimental language in which God talks to us to reassure us, make us feel better and comfort or inspire us. So..."Be not afraid...for I am always with you...Come follow me.. etc" This may be a pleasant enough devotional song to remind us of God's promises, and there may be times when it is appropriate to sing such songs, but Mass is not one of those times. We're not really at Mass to sing God's comforting words to ourselves. We're there to worship Him.

Yep... the old "Christ our Buddy" network of banal ditties. That's about right.

Another problem are hymns that simply put Scripture verses to music. "I am the bread of life...he who comes to me shall not hunger...etc" Again, the music may be pleasant and the words of Scripture are undeniably wonderful and true, but it simply isn't a hymn. The words are the words of Jesus about himself. They are not words of praise, worship and adoration addressed to God.

And let's not forget the old I myself am the bread of life; you and I are the bread of life - not only singing the direct words of Christ in the first line, but giving the false impression in the second line that Christ said that we are too.

The final problem is that too many hymn writers seem to have little understanding of either Scripture, the symbols and types of the faith or the theology of the faith. The great old hymns that have stood the test of time were written from the authors' deep immersion in the great themes of Scripture, the great stories of the Old Testament and the great theological concepts that inspire and instruct us as we sing. The newer stuff tends to be dumbed down, sentimental and weak.

Living proof: All are welcome. Any song that dumbs down a church to a banquet hall on holy ground is the perfect candidate to meet a book of matches. It's no wonder where people get this "worship space" bull$&!+ from. I've turned down jobs from parishes whose pastors or "pastoral assistants" (read: "pastor wannabes") who actually used that term in the job description.

So what's a poor old convert priest like me to do? One experiences some pressure to 'give them what they like.' My inclination is to 'give them what they need.'

These three sentences remind us of our snark brother Jason's famed post: The Pastoral Musician: A True Shepherd of the Thief at the Gate? Jason concludes with:

Using the metaphorical rod and staff from the Psalm (23), balanced with timing and education, the flock will get what they need, and come to know that what they need is really what they want, too.

The true definition of "pastoral" - giving his sheep what they NEED, not merely what they WANT. Back to Fr. Longenecker's post, we read:

In other words, to select hymns on the correct criteria and not bother whether they are 'new' or 'old'. I'm sure there are some worthy modern hymns just as there are some awful old hymns. Then we have to educate those in our charge to understand what a hymn is for and what makes a good hymn--and it's not just the ones we happen to like.

No doubt at all. Sure, I'll program Lord, who at thy first Eucharist didst pray over One Bread, one Body anytime. But at that same token, I won't touch Mother, at your feet is kneeling or Good night, sweet Jesus with a 39-1/2 foot pole either. All one has to do is refer back to my nine-part post series, reviewing the 2008 OCP Music Issue (select "September 2007" in our drop-down archives on our sidebar), and you'll find that "yes, there ARE some good new hymns out there".

Finally, it seems to me that the underlying problem with the contemporary hymns is an almost universal lack of understanding in the modern American Catholic Church about what Mass is in the first place. If it is a gathering of friendly Christian people around the table of fellowship in order to get strength and encouragement from one another as we all think about Jesus, why then the contemporary hymns fit the bill very nicely, but then, so would quite a few snippets of music I can think of like--"My favorite things" from The Sound of Music.

Yeah, that mere "gathering" intelligence, oh, and "unity" too. I see a big problem, often with hymns selected at the Entrance and the Communion. You see, the GIRM says that these songs should "foster unity" among those gathered. It didn't say anything about bragging about it, like many of these newer songs seem to do.

Father finishes up:

But, it can be protested, not all parishes can manage to have a grand organ, a paid organist and a fine choir. True, and that's why the church recommends Gregorian Chant. With a little effort and just a little expense a small group of singers can learn Gregorian Chant which beatifies the liturgy simply and give is the transcendental glory that our worship deserves, and to tell you the truth, once you develop a taste for Gregorian chant--it's pretty comforting too.

Again, "what they need will be what they want too."

And, back to the thing about the English-speaking church getting the short end of the stick when it comes to liturgy: I recall stories being told not long ago about a church in Medugorje where the German Mass was beautifully done, as was the Croatian Mass, and the Polish Mass, etc., but sadly, the same could not be said about the English Mass (it was typical American fare with little, if any, sense of the sacred, from the stories I got).

Finally, check out Fr. Longenecker's sequel on the above mentioned post, regarding youth and informal liturgies. Excellent!

And now: the "Thank You" Section

I'll finish here with a big thank you to Damian Thompson, who gave us this plug in his hat tip for our post on that hideous Our Father video:

Hat tip to a fantastic American blog, Christus Vincit, devoted to exposing bad liturgical music. It’s run by three Catholic parish musicians who don’t mince their words.

That's the best one I've heard since Anthony at Jumping without a Chute referred to us in his sidebar when I first saw it a couple of years ago (and it's still there) as "music ministers who get it!!!!!!" (yes, he did use SIX exclamation points).

Peace,
BMP

ODE TO A PONCHO LADY™

Got this from the Curt Jester. One of his readers sent it to him. Apparently a parody from Gilbert and Sullivan. Anyhoo, this is hilarious, not to mention, a Golden Snark Award - we gotta come up with one of those soon, eh? - for proper use of the ™ trademark symbol. Enjoy!
Peace,
BMP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I am the very model of a RomanCatholicWomanpriest™
I have no valid sacramental ordination in the least
I celebrate Diversity supremely superficially
Conjoining L-G-B-T couples controversially

I’m very well acquainted, too, with Eco-Cycle-Mania
I generate more laughter than O-BER-on and Titania
I feel a Call To Action is required by the Spirit, now
As far as Modern Norms of Civil DisobediENCE Allow

As far as Modern Norms of Civil DisobediENCE Allow
As far as Modern Norms of Civil DisobediENCE Allow
As far as Modern Norms of Civil DisobediENCE allow-alLOW-ALLOW-ALLOW-ALlow-allow

I’m very skilled at irritating stodgy old Conservatives
Prefer to buy All-Natural so I eschew preservatives
In short, in Matters Feminist, where Common Sense is now deceased
I am the very model of a RomanCatholicWomanpriest™

In short, in Matters Feminist, where Common Sense is now deceased
She is the very model of a RomanCatholicWomanpriest™

I know Mass rubrics well and I ignore them as traditional
I long for Inclusivity so I deplore Partitonal–
Division in the Worship Space or on a floating river craft
And had my feelings hurt when gentlemen like Father Rutler laughed

I practice Wiccan rituals like Harvesting the Springtime Mead
Don’t knock McBrien, Thomas Fox and other authors that I read
(snark note: I think the author meant "Matthew Fox")
I advocate for Wymyn’s Health and Peace & Justices issues, too
And whistle all the catchy tunes from OCP and Worship II

And whistle all the catchy tunes from OCP and Worship II
And whistle all the catchy tunes from OCP and Worship II
And whistle all the catchy tunes from OCP and Worship II-tee-II-tee-II-tee-II-tee-II-tee-II
(snark note: Worship II is actually a very good hymnal. Gather II would be more fitting for this theme.)

I tend to gossip with the girls; use caution when confessing “sin”
My scarfish-stoles are chosen for the color of the season w’r’in
In short, in Matters Feminist, where Common Sense is now deceased
I am the very model of a RomanCatholicWomanpriest™

In short, in Matters Feminist, where Common Sense is now deceased
She is the very model of a RomanCatholicWomanpriest™

I pretend that Mary was a priest but question Im-ma-CU-la-ty“
A Loving God/de won’t send to Hell” so fear no Reprobacity
I know Reiki better than a Buddhist Monk from Katmandu
Western Civ is Dominating: don’t believe it’s worth a Sou

I’m suspicious of the male, hierarchical autocracy
We believe our moral precepts should be churned out by democracy
And emasculate the NFL before the Y-chrom spreads some more
Being relegated to a convent just became an awful bore

Being relegated to a convent just became an awful bore
Being relegated to a convent just became an awful bore
Being relegated to a convent just became an awful awful awFUL AWFUL AWFUL AWful bore

Despite my lack of formatory wisdom to be Presbyter
The bishops who ordain us remain hiding with the stench of fear
But still, in Matters Feminist, where Common Sense is now deceased
I am the very model of a RomanCatholicWomanpriest™

But still, in Matters Feminist, where Common Sense is now deceased
She is the very model of a RomanCatholicWomanpriest™

KEEP MASS HOLY!

I'm sure many of you have read this lovely missive from a bevy of nuns that call themselves the "National Coalition of American Nuns" (RSCT to Argent, recipient of the Golden Snark Award - do we have one of those yet? - for humorous use of the title "NoCANdo"):

To Each U.S. Roman Catholic Bishop Regarding English Translations For The Liturgy

Dear Bishop, We are writing to you, each U.S. bishop, the U.S. Bishops' Committee on the Liturgy, the International Committee on English in the Liturgy (ICEL), and the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments in regard to the new Vatican-ordered translation of the Liturgy. The Vatican-appointed translators have not produced a translation that is understandable to Catholics in the pews. We understand that, according to a 2005 poll of bishops, 47% of the U.S. bishops rated it "fair or poor". The media has reported that even some bishops are complaining that some texts contain "clunky and archaic language" (Screw the dang media! Haven't you been taught: Never trust the media?). For example, why would the words "consubstantial to the Father" be used in the Creed? What meaning do these words have for 21st century English speaking Catholics? Why use a medieval expression like, "We pray you bid" in the new Missal? This is not the way people speak today in the English-speaking world (Maybe not out in the streets; but what's spoken in the streets and what's spoken at Mass should be at the very least two different things). We need to follow the liturgical principles set forth in the Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy from the Second Vatican Council. Article 21 of that document states, "Christian people, as far as possible, should be able to understand them (texts and rites) with ease". The proposed text, "he who was born ineffably of the inviolate Virgin," is not easily understandable to Christian people, much less to the youth who are leaving the Church because of its irrelevancy (If anything, they're leaving the church because they've had it with being treated like complete dummies and being given the impression that Holy Mass is a WIFM - What's In-it For Me - affair!). Bishop Donald Trautman of Erie, PA., chair of the U.S. Bishops Committee on the Liturgy, has said the proposed changes by the International Commission on English in the Liturgy are "not acceptable" (Do these nuns know that Bp. Trautman is very soon going to be replaced in the BCL by Bp. Serratelli, a Bishop who actually "gets it" about liturgy?). We agree (We don't). We ask you to make the translations appropriate, meaningful, and significant for today's Catholic (Oh, they are. You may not like the finished product, but the average "today's Catholic" will). Jeannine Gramick SL, Donna Quinn OP, Beth Rindler SFP For the Board of the National Coalition of American Nuns

BTW, yes, the letter is written just like this in the NoCANdo website - with absolutely no paragraph form whatsoever.

Argent also has this excellent reply, from the Confraternity of Catholic Clergy, and it makes far better use of paragraphs.

The Confraternity of Catholic Clergy respectfully asks the Bishops of the United States (USCCB) to disregard the recent letter from the National Coalition of American Nuns on Liturgical Translations. We totally disagree with their request to reject a literal and accurate English version of the 2000 Roman Missal based on the typical Latin text. It is our contention as ordained ministers who daily celebrate the sacred liturgy and who serve the spiritual needs of the faithful that they deserve nothing less than total and complete conformity to the authentic and official texts approved by the Holy See.

Since the Eucharistic Sacrifice is the ‘source and summit of Christian life’, it is imperative that the Church’s ministers celebrate digne, atténte ac devote (worthily, with attention and devotion). Reverence is achieved not only by diligently following the rubrics but also by having accurate texts which incorporate sacred language. Ritual (gestures) and Rite (words) make proper worship. Full, conscious and active participation by the faithful in the sacred liturgy is only possible when pedestrian language and banal translations are abandoned once and for all. The congregation is more educated and sophisticated than purported by those who insist accurate and literal translations from the Latin into English would be confusing at best and frustrating at worst.

We live in a culture where the vulgar, crass and obscene are part of everyday conversation. It proliferates the media at all levels: radio, television, movies, theater, magazines, and the internet. Yet, good taste and graceful language are not archaic. Sacred worship requires a sacred vocabulary and nomenclature which expresses the value and need for reverence for ‘the Holy’ and which transcends the secular world and allows the worshipper to approach the threshold of heaven. Accuracy demands that the word consubstantial be restored to the Creed since the Council of Nicea (325) canonized the terms homoouios (Greek) and consubstantialem (Latin). Adjectives which predicate the divinity of Christ, prominent in the Latin, need to be reinserted into the English. Holy, sacred, venerable, and immaculate, etc., are not foreign terms to Catholic vocabulary. Edified language inspires the believer to aspire to those things which are holy and sacred. Banal and pedestrian language lowers us into the gutter. One can and ought to seek a poetic sacred language that uplifts the human spirit to seek the divine rather than being content with the mediocrity of mundane.

These priests say it very well. Excellent letter, Fathers.
Peace,
BMP

ALL SAINTS DAY

Happy All Saints Day everyone. Everyone have a nice Halloween? We did. We ran (for the first time) a haunted back yard last night. Came out pretty dang good for our first time. I was the guy with the shovel standing near a couple of headstones saying "I ran over these two guys last week with my truck. Would anyone like to be next?" Then, in between groups coming in and going I started singing this parody I concocted last night (to the tune of Wade in the Water) in that same basso profundo that people I work with know me by:

Wait in the graveyard.
Wait in the graveyard, children.
Wait in the graveyard.
I'm gonna trouble the graveyard.

On another note, tonight I have just one Mass - 7 PM with choir.

Now - for all those who program the music that comes from the speakers at the malls - remember what Holy Day today is. Yeah - All Saints. Not Christmas. Remember that when you program your music today will ya? I, for one, love Christmas - WHEN IT'S CHRISTMAS, not two months before! At this time last year, my daughter Jessica worked in a mall store. Sure enough, All Saints Day is when they started whipping out the corniest Christmas music one can find. Bad enough there are radio stations who play it 24/7 from two weeks before Thanksgiving on. Maybe I'll request "Here Comes Peter Cottontail" on Ash Wednesday. That might turn some heads.

Anyhoo - happy All Saints Day!
Peace,
BMP