Monday, April 30, 2007


It's a new religion discovered by the Catholic Caveman. In fact, in this post, the Caveman exposes the common signs of whether or not you are a "Roman Protestant". Probably just as funny as those "you might be a redneck" jokes. Those signs of "Roman Protestantism" go something like this (NOTE: these are the Caveman's, not mine):

If you categorize yourself as a Catholic, plus....
1. If you consider the Eucharist to be a mere symbol of Jesus, you're a Roman Protestant.
2. If you consider the primary purpose of the Mass to be that of a communal meal/gathering, you're a Roman Protestant.
3. If you purposfully dress-down for Mass (shorts, flip-flops, a Led Zeppelin Houses of the Holy t-shirt), and you present yourself more like your on your way to either the beach or a barbecue vice God's House, you're not necessarily a Roman Protestant. You're just a disrespectful slob.
4. If you hold/raise your hands during the Our Father because you consider doing such "the primary a sign of unity for Catholics", you obviously don't know what the purpose of the Eucharist is. And guess what? You're a Roman Protestant.
5. If you purposfully don't go to Confession, but go to Communion every Sunday... and your rationale is "I'm basically a good person. I don't commit any REALLY bad sins, and besides, I know God loves me just the way I am", you're a Roman Protestant.
6. If you stand during the Consecration instead of kneel because standing displays "fuller participation", that doesn't mean you're a Roman Protestant. But it does mean you should consider doing calisthenics during the Consecration. Could you even imagine how "full" your participation would be then?
7. If you think that Purgatory is just something that The Church invented during The Middle Ages to bring in money, you're a Roman Protestant.
8. If you prefer On Eagle's Wings over Hail Holy Queen, that doesn't make you a Roman Protestant. That just means that you have really, really bad taste in music.
9. If you think that the pope is nothing more than just another bishop, you're a Roman Protestant.
10. If you classify yourself as "Charismatic", technically you're not a Roman Protestant, but c'mon... who ya tryin' to bull$&!+?
In closing, to those who call themselves "Progressive Catholics" or "Reformed Catholics", let me tell you that Catholicism already has a word for folks like that... they're called Protestants.


1 comment:

PhiMuAlpha2681 said...

#9 might also mean you're Orthodox ("first among equals"...)