CHECK-WRITING 101

I just love the way some people write checks. As a CSM for a frozen food company, I see a lot of these. The "Pay to the order of" line, the date line, and the signature line are good. But, when it comes to the dollar amount, some things are just not right.

The little box where you write the numeric amount in dollars and cents often gets confused with dollars and a fraction. For example, if you mean $42.25, the number in that little rectangular box should be 42.25, not 42 25/100 or 42 25/xx. Speaking of which, what the hell kind of denominator is "xx"?

Then there's the legal line - where you have to write the dollar amount in words, you know...

__________________________ DOLLARS

I get a charge out of seeing a legal line looking like this:
Forty-two dollars and 25/100______DOLLARS
OR
Forty-two dollars and 25/XX______DOLLARS

Notice how the word "dollars" is used twice. You don't need to write the word "dollars". It's already written for you. Or, how about this:

Forty-two dollars and twenty-five cents___DOLLARS

HUH???!!! That has about as much intelligence as trying to write a hymn with a three-syllable "stumblings" (cf. "Ashes"). The proper way is this:

Forty-two and 25/100___________DOLLARS

On a lighter side, I've always had the temptation to reduce a fraction like 25/100 to lowest terms.

Forty-two and 1/4____________DOLLARS

If I was to cash a check like that, would someone be smart enough to give you the quarter, or would they be dumb enough to take an extra dollar bill and rip that into quarters and give you one?

UPDATE 4/1/09: Chris C. left a link in the combox to this check that was made payable to Verizon...

This is even better than what I was thinking at one point - use variables ($x+3=15 - solve for x).

Peace,
BMP

I'VE ABOUT HAD ENOUGH...

...of those freakin' financial help scam commercials on the radio!

Until the last month or so, I have never heard so many commercials on the radio that want to help you be debt free, get rich quick, or enhance your sexual stamina! It seems that about 90% of the commercials on just about all the radio stations on my FM dial (except for public radio, which is commercial free), whether it be music or talk, pertain to one of those three things, or some similar outrageous BS! What's worse is the jerk that shouts out the toll-free phone number AT LEAST three or four times at the end of the commercial. It kind of goes like this...

Call now, 1-800-473-5527. That's 1-800-473-5527. Again 1-800-473-5527. Don't forget - that's 1-800-473-5527.

Get's annoying as hell, doesn't it?! To me it's even worse than e-mail spam (at least in my e-mail, spam has its own folder).

BTW, I specifically used the phone number 1-800-473-5527 to point out what these people are really selling. If you look carefully at the letters on your phone dial, 1-800-473-5527 is really 1-800-I-SELL-BS! Now THAT would be a little more honest, don'tcha think?

Peace,
BMP

FOR YOU CATHEDRAL MUSIC DIRECTORS

Now available at the Chabanel Psalm Project for the everyday low price of $0.00, my own setting of the responsorial Psalm For ever I will sing the goodness of the Lord (Psalm 89(88)) for the Chrism Mass. As my setting is the first Chrism Mass setting available at Chabanel that I know of, it has been placed in the miscellaneous section of the website.

OR

Click here for a direct link to the .pdf file of For ever I will sing.

Also, for those who haven't heard CVA #153, which features my own settings of the Psalms for the Sundays of Lent, yes - those are in the project as well, under Year B.

Finally, the Psalm for Palm Sunday, My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? (Psalm 22(21)), is also available at Chabanel, again for the everyday low price of $0.00.

Bon appetit!
Peace,
BMP

MUSIC FOR HOLY MASS...

...and a list of rants!

Laetare Sunday, 10:30 AM - March 22, 2009
St. Patrick Church, Cumberland, RI

Today I went to 10:30 Mass at St. Patrick's Church in Cumberland, where I got to hear the II/18 Moller with the "punchy principals" for the first time in nearly 20 years. It was good to hear that organ still intact.

The selections of music for Mass were better than most. There was none of that goofy Haugen/d'Haas/Jesuits-type dreck ANYWHERE to be found. However, the decent music was about the ONLY good thing to happen at this Mass.

So, without further ado, the music:

"Erhalt uns, Herr"...Again we keep this solemn fast
Hay...Let my tongue be silenced (antiphon only)
Janco...Glory and praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ
"Beach Spring"...God of love (text by J. Michael Thompson)
Kraehenbuehl/Frischmann...Danish Amen Mass (Sanctus, Memorial D, Amen, Agnus)
Anonymous...I received the living God
Miller/Jackson...Let there be peas and carrots on earth
- (Explanation for this on my rant section of this post. I do not fault the organist for this one.)
Old Hundredth...The glory of these forty days

Now, the rants: (Again, no faults against the organist. My issue is with the pastor.)

The pew books were Seasonal Missalette, coupled with the 2000 We Celebrate. Why the pastor opted to stop updating the hymnal is beyond me. They were using We Celebrate since the 1982 edition and updating faithfully until then.

The pastor wore violet, not rose, as Laetare Sunday calls for.

But those are minor compared to what you'll read here next!

First of all, the kiddies from CCD (or for the faint of heart, "Faith Formation") class did the readings and the general intercessions. The teachers gave the kids the wrong readings - they gave them the Year A readings that are substituted for use with RCIA candidates. However, there was no RCIA activity going on at this Mass whatsoever. The pastor did use the correct Gospel reading. I'll give him that.

As the organist began to sing the first verse to the Responsorial Psalm, the pastor loudly interrupted: "EXCUSE ME! THE KIDS ARE GOING TO READ IT!"

After the homily, he paused for a few to give the parishioners a chance to fill out their envelopes for the Catholic Charity Fund Appeal (the equivalent to "The Bishop's Fund" or "The Catholic Relief Fund" or whatever your diocese has). Fine. BUT--- he decided to flick on the tape deck and put the mic to it. So, we in the pew had to put up with a piped in Moments to Live By by Weston Priory. BLECH on two counts - 1) the goofy song, and 2) piped in!

During the Eucharistic prayer, the pastor announced: "WE WILL DO THE SECOND EUCHARISTIC PRAYER!" Not necessary. People should pretty much know the beginnings of these by now, I would think. To boot, he ended the second prayer and continued with the optional Mass for the Dead insert from the third prayer. Habitual? Probably.

After the Post-Communion prayer, the pastor announced: "LET'S GIVE A BIG HAND FOR OUR CCD CHILDREN FOR TAKING PART IN THE MASS!" followed by applause (I stood stiff), then followed by "IN SUPPORT OF OUR TROOPS IN IRAQ, LET US SING LET THERE BE PEACE ON EARTH!" There wasn't much the organist could do otherwise, unfortunately for her.

The worst of it all was during Communion, when I went to receive. As I got to the Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion, with my hands tightly folded, the EMHC said to me, "I'm sorry, I can only give it in the hand." WTF???!!! SINCE FREAKIN' WHEN???!!! Since freakin' when can one not receive our Lord Jesus Christ in the way that the Holy Father has clearly expressed his preference to receive Him? I didn't bother to make a scene. I received and consumed, and decided to save my rant for here. I don't know if this is the pastor's policy, or the EMHC's own little pet peeve, but it's definitely WRONG WRONG WRONG!

Kudos to the organist for doing a good job, considering the nutcases she has to work with!
Peace,
BMP

NO, WE HAVEN'T UNDERGONE...

...a "Walter-to-Wendy transformation". We simply stole Dymphna's cue and went with Laetare Sunday colors for the weekend. That's all. No need for alarm! (snark snark!)
Peace,
BMP

ERIC CARMEN'S SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE

Watch for the words in this protest song by my favorite secular/pop songwriter. :)
Peace,
BMP

NEW CONTRIBUTOR TO THE BLOG

It is my great pleasure to welcome our newest snark to Christus Vincit - the BLOG!, Mr. SteveO (not to be confused with SteveO from the hit show, Jackass)! Steve is a longtime organist who (like former blog partners but still good friends Nick and Jason) knows where it's at in Catholic liturgy, and can piss off a left-winger just like any of us can - simply by telling it like it is!

Welcome aboard, Steve!
Peace,
BMP

MUSIC FOR HOLY MASS

Third Sunday of Lent - March 15, 2009 (Ordinary Form)
St. John the Baptist Church, Pawtucket, RI - 9:30 AM

Paul Martin actually gets it when it comes to toning down for Lent. He simply took some off the organ instead of reverting to a piano (and goofy songs like Ashes) like I've had the misfortune of hearing in some parishes.

Anyhoo...

"St. Flavian"...Lord, who throughout these forty days
Alstott...Kyrie from "Heritage Mass" (The best metrical setting with an OCP copyright, IMO)
Alstott...Lord you have the words; Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ
- (The former is fine. The latter reminds me too much of Mary had a little lamb.)
B. Farrell...O Lord, you search me
- (An excellent piece - hard to believe it came from the pen of the same composer that gave us goofy stuff like God beyond all names, which is one of the biggest run-on sentences in church music, and God has chosen me)
Vermulst...Sanctus and Agnus Dei from "People's Mass"
Danish...Memorial Acclamation C and Amen
"Deirdre"...Christ be with me
- (Too bad this isn't in the music issue. Same with the tune's counterpart "St. Patrick's Breastplate". Too good, I guess. Sounded great in parts!)

Peace,
BMP

WTF AWARD FOR MARCH 2009

This month's WTF award goes to certain members of the state legislatures of Rhode Island and Connecticut.

Rhode Island
The latest huge debate in Rhode Island's state house is - get this - to get a centuries-old official name changed. Of all freakin' things to worry about, certain members of the state's General Assembly want to remove the word "plantations" from the name "State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations", all because they think that the word "plantations" is equivalent to a racial slur - a certain word that rhymes with "bigger". PUH-FREAKIN-LEEZE! I cannot believe that these are our elected officials. Yes, folks, these are the idiots that we Rhode Islanders (on the whole) voted in.
That debate is ongoing as I write this.

Connecticut
Our next door neighbors to the west, Connecticut has a couple of no-minded legislators who tried to pass a bill giving the state control over the Catholic Church in that state, and stripping priests and prelates of any and all rights. This is obviously a blatant attempt to keep the Church out of issues such as abortion and gay marriage.
Thankfully, due to a rally presented by Connecticut's Catholics, the bill was killed.

These are the people that get voted into office. Sickening, I say!
Peace,
BMP

MUSIC FOR HOLY MASS

Second Sunday of Lent - Extraordinary Form High Mass (11 AM)
March 8, 2008 - Holy Name of Jesus Church, Providence, RI

It was good to walk into Holy Name once again and hear a good high Mass take place. Today there was a guest celebrant, a Fr. Bishop, who is leading the parish mission this week at the church. Fr. Bishop really did well with the Extraordinary Form High Mass.

The music was done very well by the schola cantorum that I once directed and has been, since September 2003, under the very able and capable direction of Jacob Stott.

The list goes like this:

"Swabia"...'Tis good, Lord, to be here (a favorite of mine)
Mode VII...Asperges me
Tone 2D...Reminiscere miserationum tuarum, Domine (Introit)
Mass XVII...Kyrie
Tone 2D...Tribulationes cordis mei (Gradual); and Confitemini Domino quoniam bonus (Tract)
Credo I (finally, after all these years of Credo III, under both mine and Jacob's directions)
Tone 8G...Meditabor in mandatis tuis (Offertory)
M. Haydn...Una hora
Mass XVII...Sanctus and Agnus
Irrabarren...Stabat Mater
from the first line of Kyrie XI...Ite Missa est
"Erhalt uns, Herr"...The glory of these forty days

BTW, please join me in praying to repose the soul of Jacob's grandmother, whose funeral is being held tomorrow.
Peace,
BMP

EVEN ELMER FUDD IS REMORSEFUL

A Lenten Example

In the classic Bugs Bunny episode, What's Opera Doc, based on several operas by Richard Wagner, Elmer breaks the "Thou shalt not kill" commandment (he "killed the wabbit"), then regrets his actions.

"Magic Helmet!"

Peace,
BMP

PS: Gotta love the pregnant horse Bugs (in drag) rides in on about halfway through.

MUSIC FOR HOLY MASS

at the church that I sent the resume to within the Worcester Diocese
First Sunday of Lent - 10:30 AM Mass - March 1, 2008

The application deadline is 3/31 at this parish, and the position will begin around 6/15.

I did learn that the organ is a two-manual Austin built in the 1960's. The pew books are Seasonal Missalette and (barf!) the maroon Gory and Puke. Fortunately, the latter was not used at all. I did find some negatives, but I also found some positives during Mass today.

The organist played (barf!) Hosea as the prelude. There really should have been no prelude.
The opening hymn was These Forty Days of Lent, O Lord (basically Lord, who throughout these forty days, but with an altered first verse by Omer Westendorf, but with that missing As thou with Satan didst contend verse, which I like for this particular Sunday).
The Psalm response was Your ways, O Lord - setting by Robert Kreutz (choice was not bad at all, but the cantor could have chanted the verses a lot more smoothly)
I've heard the Gospel Acclamation before, but I forgot who wrote it. I've heard it before as the Alleluia on the podcasts of St. Clement's Eucharistic Shrine. Elisabeth, if you're reading this, who wrote that? BTW, the setting is nice.
The offertory anthem by the choir was one that I didn't recognize. Wasn't bad at all.
The Sanctus, amen, and Agnus were from Jan Vermulst's People's Mass. (I would have preferred Mass XVII or XVIII - XVIII if they've never done Latin before - for Lent, but I'll take People's over Creation any day!)
I didn't recognize the setting for Lord, by your cross and resurrection, but I liked it.
What I didn't like, however, was that the organist improved on the first line of John Foley's Peace Prayer during the Exchange of Peace. Too tacky! (Lard, make meeeeeeeeeeeeee a meeeeeeeeeeeans of your peeeeeeeeeeeeeeace!) I think of the cowboy sitting sidesaddle on a horse strummin' this with his ghee-tar, or maybe on a wooden fence (barbed wire would have been better). She also improved on O Lord, I am not worthy as the ministers of holy Communion (ordinary and extraordinary) received the Blessed Sacrament. BOTH of these improvs would cease if I took the reins.
The communion anthem by the choir wasn't bad. Don't know what it was.
The recessional hymn was Now thank we all our God - great hymn, but I would have preferred something more seasonal for today. The other downfall was that she played it in the key of D - too low. I would have gone at least E-flat.

One thing I didn't like was that the cantor began Mass with "good morning" and introduced the "presider" ("celebrant" is a better term - one of the priest bloggers once discouraged the use of the word "presider", but I forgot who it was - Fr. Keyes, maybe?), the servers, who the Mass was said for, etc. Point good, she introduced the "entrance hymn" and not the "gathering song".
The "weekend assistant", who celebrated the Mass, had introduced a couple of his superiors from the religious order he is with (these superiors concelebrated), followed by "let's give them a warm welcome", and applause. In fact, there was applause FOUR TIMES during Mass. Save that for the theater, please.
The other thing that I didn't like (in fact, it rather pissed me off) was that this one rather large family that came and sat behind me would not shut their freakin' pieholes for one minute, from the minute they got into church to the minute they got out the door! All they did was gab, gab, gab! Save that happy horse crap for AFTER MASS!

It DID feel good, however, not to hear the usual Haugen/D'Hass/Jesuits/Landry crap. This COULD work. Opinions?
Peace,
BMP