Saturday, April 25, 2009


Another one sent to me by Rich that I couldn't resist. Snarky remarks mine. Some of these pertain to us Rhode Islanders as well.

You know you're from Massachusetts when...
1. The Red Sox World Series win was, and will always be, one of the greatest moments in your life.
1A. The playoff win over the Yankees after being down 3 games was bigger than the Series win.
(As much as I like #1, #1A DEFINITELY holds true.)
2. The guy driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you're swearing at him for going too slow.
(In RI, it's swearing at the guy in front of you for doing merely the speed limit, or 10 under.)
3. When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke. (That threw me a curve in my Berklee days.)
4. You went to Canobie Lake Park or Water Country as a kid.
5. You actually enjoy driving around rotaries. (I get the biggest kick out of the dame in the GPS who blatantly says "roundabout" when she means "rotary".)
6.. You do not recognize the letter 'R' as a part of the English language.
7. Your social security number starts with a zero. (Zip codes too!)
(#'s 6 and 7 also pertain to Rhode Island.)
8. You can actually find your way around the streets of Boston.
9. You know what a 'regular' coffee is. (Same as RI)
10. You keep an ice scraper in your car year-round. (I keep one in my personal van because I forget to remove it when winter is done. I keep one in my Schwan's truck as a "CSM's Secret Weapon" - I use it to grab hard-to-reach products.)
11. You can tell the difference between a Revere accent and a Dorchester accent.
12. Springfield is located 'way out west.' (The RI version is that going to Providence from Woonsocket and vice versa means you have to bring your luggage.)
13. You almost feel disappointed if someone doesn't flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space. (I guess that means you can't flip'em back!)
14. You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Gloucester, Peabody, and Haverhill. (You can tell a non-Rhode Islander when people pronounce "Pawtucket" as it is spelled. The proper RI pronunciation is "P'tucket", like in "P'sghetti".)
15. Anyone you don't know is a potential idiot until proven otherwise. (To me, that's the other driver.)
16. Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts or CVS Pharmacy within eye shot at all times. (Not me. I don't drink coffee. Maybe an occasional orange coolata or an ultimate chocolate milk from the cooler.)
17. You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday just to buy alcohol. (or cigarettes - NH has the lowest state cigarette tax in New England. RI and MA, on the other hand, are duking it out to see who has the worst state cigarette tax in the country. Therefore, the constant cigarette tax hikes are no longer a safety issue. It's a revenue thing, just like many of RI's ridiculously low speed limits.)
18. You know how to pronounce Yastrzemski. (also a RI thing)
19.. You know there's a trophy at the end of the Bean Pot.
20. You order iced coffee in January. (also a RI thing)
21. You know that the Purple Line will take you anywhere.
22. You love scorpion bowls.
23. You know what they sell at a Packie. (also a RI thing)
24. Sorry Manny, but number 24 means DEWEY EVANS.
25. You know what First Night is. (also a RI thing)
26. You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus. Bonus: You know how to pronounce Seamus. (I don't know any Seamus, but I do know a Shamus.)
27. McLobster = 3-D McCrap
28. You know at least 2 cops in your town because they were your high school drinking buddies.
29. You know there are 6 New England states, but that Connecticut really doesn't count.
30. You give incomprehensible directions to tourists, feel bad when they drive off, but then say to yourself , 'Ah, screw them.' (My idea of directions is "Just keep going straight. Don't worry about that rock wall at the end. It's not really there!)
31. You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call.
32. You hate the Kennedys, but you vote for them anyway.
33. You know holding onto the railing when riding the Green Line is not optional.
34. The numbers '78 and '86 make you cringe. ('75 also)
35. You've been to Goodtimes
36. You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day. (...and they DO)..
37.. You have never actually been to 'Cheers.'
38. The words ' WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together.
39. You've been to Fenway Park .
40. You've gone to at least one party at UMass.
41. You own a 'Yankees Suck' shirt or hat. (I don't, but I do own a shirt that says "I support two teams, the Red Sox and whoever beats the Yankees" and a hat with what looks to be the "NY" logo, but it's "YH", which stands for "Yankee Hater".)
42. You know what a Frappe is. (also a RI thing)
43. You've been to Hempfest. (WTF?)
44. You know who Frank Averuch is.
45. You know Frank Averuch was once Bozo the Clown
46. You can complete the following: 'Lynn, Lynn .......'
47. You get pissed off when a restaurant serves clam chowder, and it turns out to be f******' Snows, or worse, Manhattan style. (I don't eat clam chowder. Fried clams, yes. Clam cakes, yes. Clam chowder, no.)
48. You actually know how to merge from six lanes of traffic down to one. (Most Rhode Islanders don't. They back up traffic for five states before the required merge instead.)
49. The TV weatherman is damn good if he's right 25% of the time. (also a RI thing)
50. You never go to Cape Cod,' you go 'down the Cape '. (also a RI thing)
51. You think that Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon are more evil than Whitey Bulger.
52. You know who Whitey Bulger is. (also a RI thing)
53. You went to the Swan Boats, House of Seven Gables, or Plymouth Plantation on a field trip in elementary school.
54. Bobby Orr is loved as much as Larry Bird, Tom Brady, and Ted Williams.
55. You remember Major Mudd.
56. You know what candlepin bowling is. (Although I'm from a state where there are no candlepins, I am a longtime HUGE fan of candlepin bowling. Longtime favorite bowlers are Tom Olszta, Paul Berger, the Morgan brothers - Mike Morgan, and the late Tom Morgan - and the late Stasia Czernicki.)
57. You can drive from the mountains to the ocean all in one day.
58. You know Scollay Square once stood where Government Center is.
59. When you were a kid, Rex Trailer was the coolest guy around.
60. Speaking of which.... You can still hum the song from the end of Boom Town (I very vaguely remember Boomtown. I think I was about three or four years old when I saw it last.)
61. Calling Carrabba's an 'Italian' restaurant is sacrilege.
62. You still have your old Flexible Flyer somewhere in your parents' attic.
63. You know that route 128 is some kind of strange weather dividing line. snow/rain
64. The only time you've been on the Freedom Trail is when relatives are in town.
65. The Big Dig tunnel disaster wasn't a surprise.
66. You call guys you've just met 'Chief' or 'Boss.' (also a RI thing - "Governor" is another one, especially if the person you're calling "Governor" was never involved with politics.)
67. 4:15pm and pitch black out means only 3 more shopping days until Christmas.
68. You know more than one person with the last name Murphy. (also a RI thing - I once had a pastor named "Murphy", and I currently have a customer named "Murphy".)
69. You refer to Savin Hill as 'Stab 'n Kill.' (LOL - never heard of that, but Providence is famous for "stab 'n kill", as well as "shoot 'n kill".)
70. You've never eaten at Durgin Park, but recommend it to tourists.
71. You can't look at the zip code 02134 without singing it. (Ah, yes, from "ZOOM!")
72. You voted for a Republican Mormon as Governor just to screw with the rest of the country.
73 11 pm ? Drunk? It means one thing: Kowloons!
74. 2 am ? Drunk? It means one thing: Kelly's! The one on Revere Beach not the one on Route 1. (You can tell you're NOT from New England when you call it "US 1".)
75. 5 am ? Drunk? It means one thing: You wish you had a blanket in your back seat.
76. You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group. (For those who don't know what P-Town is, it's short for Provincetown, the farthest point on Cape Cod. Sadly, it's the east coast social equivalent of San Francisco.)
77. People you don't like are all 'Bastids.' (In RI, they're simply @$$holes!)
78. You took off school or work for the Patriots first Super Bowl Win Parade.
79. You've called something 'wicked pissa'.
80. You'll always get razzed for Dukakis.
81. Saturday afternoons meant Creature Double Feature with Dale Dorman. (also a RI thing)
82. Sunday mornings meant the Three Stooges on Channel 38. (also a RI thing)
(Note on #'s 81 and 82 - in RI, you can't get the Boston channels anymore. The damn cable company here dropped them a few years back.)
83. You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater. (Nah, my way of pissing off a tailgater is simply doing the speed limit - which for me is rare unless there's a speed trap.)
84. No, you don't trust the Gorton's Fisherman.
85. You know that Papa Gino's usually has a jukebox. (also a RI thing)
86. You think Aerosmith is the greatest rock band of all time (Nah - Raspberries, hands down!)
87. Your town has at least 6 pizza and roast beef shops.
88.. You know at least three Tony's, one Vinnie and a Frankie.
89. 20 degrees is downright balmy as long as there is no wind - then it gets wicked cold.. (also a RI thing)
90. You were very sad when saying goodbye to the Boston Garden .
91. Thanksgiving means family, turkey, High School football, and the long version of Alice 's Restaurant. (the only Arlo Guthrie song I like)
92. You know the guy who founded the Boston Pops was named Athah Feedlah.
93. You know what the Combat Zone is.
94. You actually drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax. (That's because if you drove to RI thinking you're going to save on sales tax, you're completely out of your cotton pickin' mind. The sales tax in MA is 5%. In RI it's 7%, and our meal tax is 8%. And we have the colossal nerve to talk about "Taxachusetts"!)
95. You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left. (also a RI thing)
96. You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop.
97. You've been to Hampton Beach on a Saturday night.
98. Playing street hockey was a daily after school ritual. (also a RI thing, especially north and west of Providence.)
99. Hearing an old lady shout 'Numbah 96 for Sioux City!' means it's time for steak.
100. You remember Jordan Marsh, Filene's, Grants, Bradlees, Caldor, Zayres (I also remember Ann and Hope, Coats Field, Mammoth Mart, Ames, and a truckload of drive-in theaters.)



Anonymous said...

Can you add my blog to your links please?

Unknown said...

I found this list hilariously accurate, even given that I'm not old enough to understand a lot of the references. I'm 18, and 40 of the things on this list still apply to me. XD