A CAVEMAN'S THANKSGIVING

The Catholic Caveman posted this hilarious poem for Thanksgiving. Way too funny.

Peace,
BMP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Night before Thanksgiving
Southern Style
by the Catholic Caveman

'Twas the night 'fore Thanksgiving,and all through the house
I've knocked back a 12-pack, I'm half way to soused;
Like the damn fool I am, I took my wife's dare,
Now her whole stinkin' family will invade The Lair;

Her sister's a psycho who needs to take meds
To silence the voices that live in her head;
Her brother-in-law is a Southern-Fried slob,
Who never can quite handle keeping a job;
Their kids eat like animals, I wish they would go,
Their table manners are reminiscent of a Gallagher show.

Away to the drug store I flew like a flash,
Those rednecks aren't even here, and I've already a rash.

Back in my home, I hear such a clatter,
I peeks out the cave to see what the matter!
When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
A sight that Jeff Foxworthy made his career.

A rusted out, smoke belching '72 van,
The modern day version of the Jed Clampett clan.
It was covered with stickers, from "Jesus is Lord!",
To some mean little kid takin' a leak on a Ford.
A Chevy crammed with Rednecks - all that could fits,
Mo' damn crackers than a box full of Ritz!

More rapid than bail jumpers my wife's kin they did came,
She whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
Hey Jim-Bob! Hey Dooley! Hey Bubba and Cale;
Hey Buckshot! Hey Skeeter. When you get outta jail?

From the corner of my eye, I see Cousin Boford,
I never did like him, he's light in the loafers.

They just got here, not sure I can hack it,
It's time to be fitted for a Caveman Straight Jacket.
A twitch of my eye, a sharp pain in my head,
Here comes that aneurysm that I've always dread;

To my wife, who I love more than she knows;
But that nut-job family of hers gots to go!

From the top of the roof! I'm all dressed in cammo!
My high-powered rifle; I got enough ammo.
Now haul ass! Grab your kids! Get up and scoot!
Don't dawdle or waste time; I'm libel to shoot!

And I exclaimed as they left, as I cut off the porch light,
"Happy Thanksgiving y'all, now stay the hell outta my sight!!"