THE PARODIES ARE FLYING TONIGHT

First of all, welcome back Ox Files. In his first post since August 2006, the reader meets the Farrars of Ohio, who confuse a We Are Church meeting with a masquerade party. Like always, a hilarious story by the Dumb Ox, which is why I wish he'd post more often.

Then, the Ironic Catholic (yes, she's the one that gave us the notable mention award for the Catholic Haiku Contest) gives us her list of liturgical things to avoid. See the Curt Jester (to whom I tip my Red Sox cap for pointing these posts out) and Un-Muted Mumblings for addendums. I'd add some myself, but I'd have to give it deep thought, as all of these are really good (hehehe!).

My top three - a favorite from all three lists:
From Un-Muted Mumblings: Going into a coughing fit BEFORE the priest adds the incense confirms your problem is NOT asthma.
From the Curt Jester: Do not bring the music issue of the missal home to use as toilet paper, no matter how appropriate.
From the Ironic Catholic: If you have your cell phone on, changing the ring tone to "Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee" for Mass time doesn't cut it.

Oh, OK --- here are three from yours truly:

If Barney gives you a blessing, don't shout out Didn't I just see you on TV the other day?

Remember when casting lots for Jesus' garment was once modernized to throwing dice? Well, it should not be modernized to playing Russian roulette either.

Finally, When one tries to grab your hand for the Lord's Prayer, don't give them your glove in its place. Instead, give them the Our Father Holding Hand (remember that little gadget?).

UPDATE 2/8/07: At least three more blogs have now included their little lists of things to avoid at Mass. Here they are, followed by my favorite from each:

The Propaganda Machine: If you aren't going to sing, please don't stare at the people who are.

Causa Nostra Laetitiae: To our elderly congregants who take up guard posts at either ends of the back pew: please have mercy on us parents of obnoxious toddlers! We have no crying room in our church, and the vestibule is cold and seatless, therefore please allow us the back pew for a few minutes of peace before we need a quick getaway! (Leticia also quips: This is getting to be a Meme of pet peeves in Church!)

Happy Catholic: If you are kneeling in prayer avoid breathing down the neck of the person in the pew in front of you (discreet throat clearing is allowed so the person knows you're there and might lean forward slightly.)

Peace,
BMP