Saturday, February 18, 2006

NEW TOP TEN - Cathedral Style

Top Ten Least Popular Features in Today's Cathedral Churches!

In light of some of the ugliest new cathedrals being built,

and there are blogs a-plenty on some, here they are:

#10 - They're round or oval-shaped buildings, often with this funky looking thing that passes for a tower planted in the middle. (Yeah, I worked for one of them, wasn't a cathedral, but someone I know once called it "Our Lady of the Big Top")
#9 - Stadium style seating
#8 - Full stage behind the altar
#7 - Mural behind altar, supposed to look like angels, but one has arms stretched out to look like a Vegas dance act.
#6 - Cathedra is a barstool (Cathedra, btw, is the "bishop's chair")

#5 - Pipe Organ Case looks like the one at the Disney Concert Hall

(LOL - Hey, at least it's a pipe organ!)

#4 - Your cantor today: the local Frank Sinatra sound-alike!
#3 - Surround Sound
#2 - Projection screens above the altar for everything from song lyrics to bingo numbers
AND THE NUMBER ONE LEAST POPULAR FEATURE IN TODAY'S CATHEDRALS:
CASH REGISTERS!

Peace!
BMP

13 comments:

Andrew S. said...

Automatic doors?!?! Do they really have those???

PhiMuAlpha2681 said...

We have an automatic door at the entrance to the north transept, as that is where the accessible ramp is. I hardly think that an automatic door is an undesirable feature in a cathedral as it enables those to enter who might not be able to do so otherwise. Especially in light of today's gospel. Sorry, Brian, gotta strongly disagree with this one....

~nb

Brian Michael Page said...

Since that's where the handicapped ramp is, Nick, I'll make the exception. I'm thinking the normal doors opening like grocery store doors, but in the case of the handicapped, I'll make an alteration to the #1.

Peace,
BMP

Brian Michael Page said...

New #1 - CASH REGISTERS!
BMP

PhiMuAlpha2681 said...

BTW, don't judge a book by its cover. Disney hall is STUNNING. While the organ may look goofy on its own, in a close-up photo, it is right at home in that building -- Frank Gehry was involved in the design of the organ from day one, so the curves and angles are of his design, and are echoed throughout the entire building. And it puts out some sound, too! The '04 AGO national was in LA, and this was one of the concert locations.

~nb

Brian Michael Page said...

Oh, I'm sure it is - in the concert hall. But would you picture that design in a church?

BMP

Argent said...

Wow, that organ model looks like my daughter's pick-up sticks.

This is earthquake zone. Those pipes look like they've been shaken up already. I'd be intimidated being in the choir with those pipes leaning over like that. I'd be chanting Kyrie eleison throughout the Mass.

Anonymous said...

Everytime our pastor frets about dwindling attendance, and how the local Evangelicals with the priase and worship band are packing them in, one of my tenors suggests we install an ATM and a cappucino machine.

Maybe we alb contests for spring break?

Leper

Anonymous said...

wet, WET alb contests

Brian Michael Page said...

LOL Argent - Pick up sticks, Jenga blocks, and Lincoln Logs!

Probably sounds GREAT in the concert hall. I'm not knocking that. But I needed a laugher to imagine in a cathedral.

LOL Leper on the wet alb contests, and the ATM. Hey, remember the Curt Jester's "Tithe-O-Matic"?

BMP

Matthew Meloche said...

How about the Becker Litany of the Saints? That's an undesireable quality my Cathedral holds.

Brian Michael Page said...

Of course, who in their right mind would want a DESIGN like the Disney case in a cathedral? The plus side is - at least it's a pipe organ! I tend to shun cathedrals that go completely electronic. I can understand smaller parishes not so financially set going electronic, but there is no excuse for a cathedral - they should be the example.

BMP

PhiMuAlpha2681 said...

Matthew,

We are only using the Becker as part of an extended prelude to the Rite of Election. Our (new, young) bishop has banned it from being used at the cathedral during the Easter Vigil or the Ordination Masses.

~nb