Fr. Erik (one of the blogosphere's funniest clerics, IMO), got this from "an insane parishioner". This is hilarious.
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. They might just do that in my hometown, as cops like to harass, and they're now playing with new cruisers of assorted colors.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. Brian Page, please come to the front desk. Brian Page, please come to the front desk for customer assistance.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That. My son Chris used to do that, hehehehe!
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "IN." Yes, and throw all the bills in it!
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso. I don't drink coffee, but I'd have no problem pouring Jolt in a Pepsi or Coke fountain.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors" I once worked with a guy who did that, but using $1.05 in cash instead of a check. It was actually money that he was short for a lunch run. Anyhoo, he asked the girl who made the run if she got the note saying "Thank you for last night". Another co-worker, this burly 6'7" dude with a mild-mannered voice nonchalantly goes, "That explains the nickel. What about the dollar?" - True Story!
7. Finish all Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy." This is too funny, in accordance with the Prophecy. (LMAO)
8. dont use any punctuation you mean like in the instant messenger
9 . As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. (sings) Over the river and through the woods... on second thought...
10. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go." I'd like a copy of All Are Welcome to go... right into the trash can.
11. Sing Along At The Opera. I could get away with that, considering I weigh almost as much as the stereotypical "fat lady" (my physical consequence for quitting smoking).
12. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? Why waste the gas going to a poetry recital when you can open up a Gather or Glory and Puke book and ask the same questions?
13. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day. A sign saying "Jimmy Buffet Was Here" works well with that scenario (with all due respect to Jimmy - I do like a good share of his tunes).
14. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!" But what if it says "Exceeds Available Balance" and you get nothing?
15. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!!" Most people do that leaving Mass.
16. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go. " Where's the family black sheep when you need one, right?