Showing posts with label Poncho Ladies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poncho Ladies. Show all posts

Thursday, January 21, 2010

TAKING "EQUAL RIGHTS" WAY TOO FAR

Some nutcases in the British Parliament are trying to do exactly that! They want to see Poncho Ladies infesting REAL Catholic parishes.

Source: Rhode Island Catholic

Incredible is the only way to describe a so-called Equality Bill currently under consideration in the British Parliament.

The bill, which claims to eliminate discrimination in the workplace, would regulate churches including the Catholic Church as employers. It would make it unlawful to require a Catholic priest to be male, unmarried or not in a civil marriage, since no priest would be able to clearly demonstrate that their time was wholly spent leading prayer, liturgy or worship and promoting and explaining doctrine. The Bishops of England and Wales have protested the bill and its immensely serious consequences for over two years.

The British Government’s clash with religion is led by the Equality Minister Harriet Harman and they have consistently denied such a damaging impact on the Church. However, religious liberty experts have suggested that while the law could not compel the Catholic Church to ordain women but would certainly limit the Church’s ability to ensure priests live a celibate lifestyle. Neil Addison, the director of the Thomas More Legal Centre, suggested that the bill was seriously flawed because it treated religious ministers as employees rather than office holders. He further suggested that: “The supporters of this bill don’t understand why the churches don’t have women priests and gay clergy. The supporters of this bill are very ideological. They want transsexuals to sue to remain priests.”

Catholic Bishops reject claims by the government that as long as priests spend 51 percent of their time leading worship and preaching the Gospel they would be spared any hostile legal action. They suggest that priestly ministry is so diverse and includes pastoral work, private prayer and study, administration and building maintenance that it would be impossible to guarantee that such a condition could be met. The rejection of the government’s claims includes the objection by Catholic Bishops that the government would now effectively define what work a priest must perform. Last month an amendment to protect the liberty of churches was rejected by the House of Commons and as a result the bill will likely become law next year.

It appears that all people and institutions are not in fact treated equally in the British Isles. Those people and institutions that espouse religious values will not be treated fairly or with any tolerance by this horrible law even if government bureaucrats with charming titles like Minister of Equality suggest otherwise to church leaders. While this situation might appear as seemingly incredible to those who respect religious liberty and promote tolerance among peoples, it is frighteningly clear that the British Government has no such respect or tolerance for churches and other religious institutions.

In his novel 1984, the British writer George Orwell described a totalitarian regime that sought to exert mind control and removed all those who opposed “Big Brother.” Such a “Big Brother” is the British Minister of Equality, Harriet Harman, who has disguised intolerance for religion and disrespect of faith communities as a law about equality. Her promotion of a bill that strips churches of religious liberty and redefines fundamental religious teachings in the name of tolerance and equality seems eerily similar to the world described by Orwell. Incredible as it may seem, it is just the beginning for a civilization that has become a champion of the individual as they blindly follow the dictatorship of moral relativism. We hope and pray that such incredible ideas never reach the colonies but we are not optimistic they aren’t already being advanced by government bureaucrats and political ideologues across the nation.

This Harriet Harman --- does she even know what the sam hell "equality" is? Apparently not!
I'll have to see if Damian has anything on this.
Peace,
BMP

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

PONCHO LADY DOES CINCINNATI

RSCT to Fr. Loren, who gave his post the right title ("This Womyn Should Be Contained in a Padded Room") and the right category ("pathetic drivel").

Women priests will no longer be contained By Janice Sevre-Duszynska • January 4, 2010

Several months ago, former Cincinnati Archbishop Daniel Pilarczyk barred Sister Louise Akers from teaching in archdiocesean schools because she supported the ordination of women. Recently, when a reporter asked him why he did this, the archbishop said: “The formal teaching of the church is women cannot be ordained to the priesthood. I am bound by that … She was representing the church. You can’t represent the church and teach things that the church doesn’t teach. I believe I was forced to take some action.” (The Enquirer, Dec 21, 2009) (Is this the Cincinnati Enquirer or the National Enquirer? Must be the Cincinnati Enquirer, since the Archbishop is absolutely right.)

There are numerous publications by theologians which attest to the history and tradition of women’s leadership in early Christianity and up until the 12th century – as deacons, priests and bishops. See, for example, the calendars of archaeologist/theologian Dorothy Irvin and books by scholars Gary Macy, Karen Jo Torjesen, John Wijngaards, Lavinia Byrne, Ida Raming, Ute Eisen, Joan Morris, Kevin Madigan and Carolyn Osiek. (Never heard of any of these people. Have you?)

Catholics must search for the above information by themselves because male priests do not mention the words “women’s ordination” from the pulpit at Sunday Masses. Those who follow their conscience and have spoken out for women’s justice within our church and world community have been severely reprimanded by the Vatican. One such person is Father Roy Bourgeois, Maryknoll priest of 38 years and founder of the School of the Americas Watch. He and SOAWatch have been nominated for the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize. (Oh, yes, bring on the social justice bit as an excuse to bend the rules! Oh, and nothing like nominating an excommunicated priest for a Nobel Prize! And just when I thought nominating the pro-abortion President Barack Saddam Hussein Obama Bin Laden for last year's Prize was bad enough!)

Theologian Dorothy Irvin, who has a pontifical doctorate in Catholic studies from the University of Tübingen, Germany, with specialization in Bible, ancient Near-Eastern studies and archaeology, has found archaeological evidence that women were priests.

I traveled with her to Rome, Naples and North Africa. We visited catacombs and churches. We studied frescoes, mosaics and tombstones. I have seen firsthand frescoes of a woman at the altar celebrating Mass and women celebrating Eucharist. I have seen the Roman mosaic of four women ministers, including a woman bishop, which attests to a continuous succession in church office from Mary through Praxedis and Pudentiana to Theodora.

Above her head is her title, “Episcopa,” with the feminine ending, meaning a bishop who is a woman. (I'll bet these women weren't Catholic.)

Jesus treated women and men as equals and partners in ministry. Among his disciples were many women. Mary Magdalene, the first to encounter the risen Christ, was commissioned by Christ to be the “Apostle to the Apostles.” St. Paul called Junia “an outstanding apostle.” In 1976, the Pontifical Biblical Commission concluded that there is no biblical reason to prohibit women’s ordination. (The Bible never considered any of the women to be disciples, as close to Jesus as they may have been.)

This past July former President Jimmy Carter severed his ties with the Southern Baptist Convention because he believes that “we are all equal in the eyes of God – as confirmed in the Holy Scriptures.” (And he still isn't Catholic.)

His July 12, 2009, statement entitled “The Words of God Do Not Justify Cruelty to Women” was published in the Sunday Observer in the United Kingdom. (See CommonDreams.org) In this powerful essay, he challenges male religious authorities saying that “discrimination and abuse wrongly backed by doctrine are damaging society. This discrimination, unjustifiably attributed to a Higher Authority, has provided a reason or excuse for the deprivation of women’s equal rights across the world for centuries.” (Again with the twisted definition of "social justice")

In polls conducted by the National Catholic Reporter (Distorter), the sensus fidelium – the voices of the faithful – believe that women are called to the servant priesthood.

Many Catholics have left the Church because they consider it unbalanced without women on the altar to interpret the Gospels from their feminine living and dying.

The Holy Spirit moves in grace and truth among the grassroots and cannot be deterred – even by the Vatican. In recent years, women have reclaimed their ancient heritage within the Church. Today there are about 100 women ordained as Roman Catholic Womenpriests. (Oh, sure! Throw the Holy Spirit under the bus!)

Your farewell article on Archbishop Pilarczyk contained a chart indicating that there are 482 Roman Catholic priests in the Archdiocese of Cincinnati. That is an error you may want to correct for the incoming archbishop, Dennis Schnurr.

As an ordained Roman Catholic Womanpriest (Poncho Lady), I make the total 483. (482)

Quit playing pretend, lady! Why do you think these "ordinations" take place in non-Catholic institutions and cruise ships? It's because they know it's not Catholic to begin with.

Again, kudos to Fr. Loren for his proper title and tag.
Peace,
BMP

Saturday, May 30, 2009

PONCHO LADIES: DEROGATORY???

On the RPInet message boards, one poster writes:
Oh and btw Brian..."Poncho Ladies"? That is pretty derogatory IMO.

LMAO!

What's seventy times seven times more derogatory is the act that said "Poncho Ladies" are performing - pretending to be women priests in the Roman Catholic Church. After all, these nutcases have to have some kind of a name. They're no longer Catholic, once they've "ordained" each other. And they need a name. "Woman Priests" just doesn't cut it, as "Woman Priests" they are not. They perform so-called "masses" (only the Mass as said by a legitimately ordained priest gets the "capital M" spelling in my book) in undisclosed locations for fear of getting their butts busted (via sharp criticism from the snarkhood, ex-communication, or heckling a la Waldorf and Statler), wearing low-quality dollar-store ponchos, blatantly neutering the Holy Name of God in all Three Persons. It's a foul, blatant mockery of the Holy Eucharist. Now I ask the poster this... WHO'S DEGRADING WHO?!

Peace,
BMP

PS: They're still "Poncho Ladies"!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

PONCHO LADIES NEW MOVIE

Poncho Ladies Invade Santa Barbara

Rated R - Coming soon to a sanitarium near you!

Here's the trailer!

Enjoy!
Peace,
BMP

Friday, April 24, 2009

THE PONCHO LADIES ARE AT IT AGAIN!

RSCT to the Catholic Caveman. Story from the California Catholic Daily, from - where else? - California, nutcase prelate capital of the USA.

Sometime on Sunday, April 19 (Low Sunday, as in "how low can they go?"), somewhere in Santa Barbara, four women were “ordained” as “bishops” by the group Roman Catholic Womenpriests (Poncho Ladies) USA. The exact time and place of the event was intentionally kept secret (for reasons of guilt, shame, etc., obviously), a spokeswoman for the group said.

“One of the major reasons for not revealing the place is that we wanted a prayerful, quiet, non-media event,” (free from protesters, hecklers, and snarks) said Womenpriests national spokeswoman Bridget Mary Meehan in an email to California Catholic Daily. “Our focus is not on the bishops ordinations but on servant leadership to the Catholic community.” Meehan was one of the four women “ordained” as a “bishop” on April 19. (Kudos to the California Catholic Daily for the use of quotes in this last sentence, as there is no such legitimate event in the Roman Catholic Church.)

In a statement provided to California Catholic Daily, Roman Catholic Womenpriests USA did not even name the city in which the “ordinations” (play dates) occurred. But a separate news release from CORPUS, which describes itself as “the national association for an inclusive (now there's a blatantly over-misused word if I ever heard one - "inclusive") priesthood,” identified the city as Santa Barbara.

The Santa Barbara “ordinations” represented the latest in a series of acts of defiance against the Vatican on the subject of women priests. On May 29, 2008, the Vatican declared that any women who attempt “ordination” or any bishops who attempt to “ordain” women are automatically excommunicated from the Church by their actions. The decree from the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith was absolute, universal and immediately effective. (Go CDF!)

“Roman Catholic Womenpriests USA is pleased to announce the ordinations of Joan Mary Clark Houk, Andrea Michele Johnson, Maria Regina Nicolosi and Bridget Mary Meehan as Roman Catholic bishops,” said a statement dated April 21. “These ordinations took place on April 19, 2009 in California. Officiating at the ceremony were Bishops(-wannabe): Patricia Fresen and Ida Raming from Germany and Christine Mayr-Lumetzberger from Austria.”

Joan Mary Clark Houk will serve as “bishop” in the Great Waters Region, one of six Womenpriests regions in the U.S. According to the group’s statement, Houk has been married for 48 years, and has six children, eight grandchildren and a great-grandchild. (Those poor descendants!) She had the words “Faithful Servant” inscribed on her (gumball machine) “bishop’s ring,” the statement said. Houk received a Masters Degree in Divinity from the University of Notre Dame (aka "Notre Shame" or "Notre Damned", home of the infamous forthcoming Obama scandal), according to a biography on the Womenpriests website.

Andrea Michele Johnson of Annapolis, Maryland, was “elected to serve as bishop for the Eastern Region,” according to the group’s statement. Johnson, married for 39 years and the mother of three, “was pastoral minister (Please, Lord, not one of THEM!) in a priestless Catholic parish in the mid-1980s and also served as a former director of the Women’s Ordination Conference,” said the statement. “Andrea currently works in hospital chaplaincy.” (Would she be the mental patient there?)

“Maria Regina Nicolosi was elected by the members of the Midwest Region to be their bishop,” said the statement. “Regina was born in the Rhineland, Germany, close to the Abbey of St. Hildegard and before she moved to the USA, she was a teacher. After raising her family, Regina worked as a senior housing manager and a nursing home chaplain. Currently, she celebrates Eucharist with small faith communities and has served as the program coordinator for the Midwest region. In this role she has helped prepare several women for (their play dates) priestly ordination. Regina is married and has four children and eight grandchildren. She and her husband Charles live in Red Wing, MN.”

Bridget Mary Meehan will serve as “bishop” of the Southern Region, where she “presides at inclusive liturgies and sacramental services for vibrant faith communities in Sarasota, Florida and Falls Church, Virginia,” according to the statement. “For fifteen years, Bridget Mary served as a pastoral associate at Ft. Myer Chapel in N.VA. She is the author of eighteen books including Praying with Women of the Bible, Praying with Visionary Women, and co-author of Praying with Celtic Holy Women(, as well as 157 Ways to Twist the Catechism).”

Another day, another game of "Pretend". Ho-hum!
Peace,
BMP

Monday, February 2, 2009

IN LIGHT OF THE SSPX EXCOMMUNICATION BEING LIFTED...

...the Poncho Ladies™ want theirs lifted, too!

They are just too funny! Story and commentary over at Fr. Z's. He's a lot more diplomatic than I am. I'm too busy LMAO! :-)

Peace,
BMP

Thursday, November 27, 2008

A MASS KIT FOR YOUNG BOYS WANTING TO BE PRIESTS


This is, yes, an actual product by Wee Believers. All the things a young boy needs to practice the priesthood (Roman Missal or GIRM not included, sadly).

The Curt Jester rightfully points out, however:
Though what about dissident little girls who want to be priestesses? Surely someone can come up with with a women's priest kit which would include poncho, stunningly ugly stole, chalice made out of earthenware, home made hosts made out of material surely to crumble, and a subscription to the National Catholic Reporter.

Let's not forget the cruise ship so that the "ordination" be held on water.

Coming soon: Wee Dissenters' Poncho Lady Kit!
Peace,
BMP

Saturday, October 18, 2008

ON SALE AT DOLLAR TREE

Womynpryst Apparel



Found these at the local Dollar Tree store, where everything is a buck! I couldn't resist taking the picture, since my new cell phone has a camera.

Peace,
BMP

Thursday, July 31, 2008

THE PRIESTESS CONNECTION

Another song dedicated to that species of woman who continually subjects herself to excommunication, the Poncho Lady™. (Incidentally, I had to take the "™" off the word "Poncho Ladies" on the tag cloud. The new cloud doesn't support it for some reason.)

The Priestess Connection
Composed by Erin "Red Cardigan" Manning
(sung to the tune "Rainbow Connection", as performed by Kermit the Frog)

Why are there so many
Stoles made of rainbows
And vestments that are tie-dyed?

Rainbows are symbols
Of womyn's confusion
And yet represent gay-pride

Get on the boat and wrap sheets all around you
Mu-mus and trinkets and sea
Someday they'll find it, the Priestess Connection
Athena and Isis and me.

Who said that only men
Could stand at the altar?
(God did. But we just don't care)

Somebody told us that
And some may believe it
We say it just isn't fair

We've gone as far as we can with star-gazing
Tarot cards, crystals, and tea
We want to find it, the Priestess Connection
Demeter and Freya and me...

(...all of us can cast a spell
Though mostly we're just comi-tragic...)

Have you dozed off at lunch
And heard mystic voices?
Calls to the priesthood for dames,

Was it the voice of fate
Or maybe the pizza?
Where can we place the blame?

I think Dan Brown is the one who began it
Or people who think God is "She"
Someday we'll find it, that Priestess Connection,
Minerva and Lilith and me.......

la, excommunication...
la la la I cannot hear youuuuuu......!

Peace,
BMP

Friday, May 30, 2008

PONCHO LADIES™ AND CANON LAW

Edward Peters points out the CDF's ruling to excommunicate not only those women who attempt to receive the sacrament of Holy Orders, but those who confer it as well.

RSCT to Rich at Catholic Lite who sent me the story via e-mail.
Peace,
BMP

Friday, March 21, 2008

HOW TO MAKE THE BEST OF LOSING

The Crescat, like us, didn't win on the Catholic Blog Awards this (or any other) year. So, she creatively made the best of it by creating her own categories for nomination.

So, in the same good humor, I came up with some that would suit Christus Vincit quite well:

Best Snark Blog
Best Blog by a Snark Team
Best Blog by a pair of sacked music directors (Jason in January, yours truly in November)
Best Blog with offices in the North AND South (Rhode Island and Louisiana)
Best Blog in the same network as an equally snarky podcast
Blog most likely to piss off some NaPalM top brass
Blog most likely to scare away the Poncho Ladies™
Best Blog protected by a Catholic K9 (remember Canis?)



Jason, if you can think of any more, feel free to edit this post. Anyone else, feel free to make use our combox.

Peace,
BMP

Saturday, March 15, 2008

BOOTED IN ST. LOUIS

Poncho Ladies™ played pretend in the wrong archdiocese!

RSCT to Argent. People like these should know better than to screw around like that in St. Louis. Big time kudos for Abp. Burke for the action he took.

Peace,
BMP

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

MAHONYFEST™ '08

OK - Time to put the trade-mark symbol on MahonyFest™ (er, the Los AHN-ghe-leez Religious Mis-edu-ma-cation Congress) like Argent did on Poncho Ladies™ (er, Roman Catholic Wimmenpriests).

Gerald has pics a-plenty, with all the usuals. Bp. Brown being entertained by liturgical dancers while celebrating Mass in a way-off-color Mass vestment (WAIT! If the vestment is way-off-color, wouldn't it NOT be a Mass vestment?), the usual wicker baskets and KoolAid pitchers.

The American Papist has news a-plenty, including an FAQ session (er, "online chat") with Cdl. Mahony, and plenty of support for dissent from the Church.

Teri: Is there high hope for married priests? What is that status on having the option?
CardinalMahony: Teri: At this time, the Pope is not moving towards married priests for the Latin Catholic Church. Recall that the Eastern Catholic Church has had married priests for 2,000 years.
===
Alexis: Is their anything against the Catholic church being more fun? I mean the priest talks and kids don't pay attention so couldn't we sing and dance, and make it more like gospel churches do, so kids will want to participate? I was just wondering if that was against our faith?
CardinalMahony: Alexis: Sounds good to me! Our parishes need to offer a variety of liturgies which appeal to different age groups and to different likes. Youth Masses with groups such as Life Teen are really helpful!


Gotta love how the Cardinal downplays the Church's stance on married priests and how Mass should be "fun", eh?

For more entertainment news, check out Whispers in the Loggia for the "hard news" version.

Peace,
BMP

IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE AN INVALID BAPTISM?

If your priest bastardized the text, yes!

VATICAN CITY, 29 FEB 2008 (VIS) - Made public today were the responses of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith to two questions concerning the validity of Baptism conferred with certain non-standard formulae.

The first question is: "Is a Baptism valid if conferred with the words 'I baptise you in the name of the Creator, and of the Redeemer, and of the Sanctifier', or 'I baptise you in the name of the Creator, and of the Liberator, and of the Sustainer'"?


The second question is: "Must people baptised with those formulae be baptised 'in forma absoluta'?"


The responses are: "To the first question, negative; to the second question, affirmative".
Benedict XVI, during his recent audience with Cardinal William Joseph Levada, prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, approved these responses, which were adopted at the ordinary session of the congregation, and ordered their publication. The text of the responses bears the signatures of Cardinal Levada and of Archbishop Angelo Amato S.D.B., secretary of the dicastery.

An attached note explains that the responses "concern the validity of Baptism conferred with two English-language formulae within the ambit of the Catholic Church. ... Clearly, the question does not concern English but the formula itself, which could also be expressed in another language".

"Baptism conferred in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit", the note continues, "obeys Jesus' command as it appears at the end of the Gospel of St. Matthew. ... The baptismal formula must be an adequate expression of Trinitarian faith, approximate formulae are unacceptable.

"Variations to the baptismal formula - using non-biblical designations of the Divine Persons - as considered in this reply, arise from so-called feminist theology", being an attempt "to avoid using the words Father and Son which are held to be chauvinistic, substituting them with other names. Such variants, however, undermine faith in the Trinity".

"The response of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith constitutes an authentic doctrinal declaration, which has wide-ranging canonical and pastoral effects. Indeed, the reply implicitly affirms that people who have been baptised, or who will in the future be baptised, with the formulae in question have, in reality, not been baptised. Hence, they must them be treated for all canonical and pastoral purposes with the same juridical criteria as people whom the Code of Canon Law places in the general category of 'non- baptised'".


Source: the Vatican / RSCT: the Deacon

Good on Cdl. Levada and Pope Benedict XVI. Dang, I thought only Poncho Ladies™ used such invalid formulae.

Peace,
BMP

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

THE NEW PONCHO LADIES™ THEME SONG

As presented by the Curt Jester. Enjoy!
Peace,
BMP

The Ballad of Brave Priestesses
(tune of "Bravely Bold Sir Robin" from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail")

Bravely bold priestesses rode forth from St. Louis.
They were not afraid of Burke, O brave Priestesses!
They were not at all afraid to be excommunicated,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Priestesses!

They were not in the least bit scared of the male hierarchy,
Or to have their stoles gouged out, and their ponchos broken; (LMAO!)
Or grave canon law and the constant teaching of the Church,
Or that out of touch old man in Rome, brave Priestesses!

Quickly turns into:
Brave Priestesses ran away.
Bravely ran away, away!
When danger reared its ugly head,
They bravely turned their tail and fled.
Yes, brave Priestesses turned about
And gallantly they chickened out.
Bravely taking to their feet
They beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, Priestesses!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

CATHOLIC CULTURE ON PONCHO LADIES™

I got this from Catholic Culture via e-mail. At least these people have the backbone and the decency to put the word "ordination" in quotation marks when referring to the creating of new poncho ladies™. I like this. (emphases mine) Enjoy!
Peace,
BMP
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When the Pope closed the question of female priests in 1994, he explained that the Church has no authority to ordain women. Our Lord did not provide for it. I don't mean that God forgot; obviously if God does not provide for something, it is because He has excluded it from His plan.

One can imagine reasons for this: The priest is identified with the incarnate Son, who is always referenced in Revelation as masculine, and who is male in His human nature. But the point is not that we can completely understand God's reasons, but that the Church can't make up her own religion. She can teach and do only what God has authorized her to teach and do.

Despite this inescapable fact, a group called Roman Catholic Womenpriests has been busy "ordaining" women whenever possible, most recently last Sunday at a Jewish synagogue in St. Louis. The participants were warned in advance by Archbishop Raymond Burke that they would be excommunicated if they went through with it. They did, and they were.

All of this provides an occasion for a deeper reflection on the priesthood, which the Archdiocese of St. Louis has provided in The Nature of Priestly Ordination: Theological Background and Some Present Concerns. This contains links to several other key documents on the ordination of women, including John Paul II's Ordinatio Sacerdotalis.

Female "ordinations" don't "take", of course. They are not only illicit but invalid, so they don't happen. Another way dissident Catholics attempt to solve this problem is to eliminate the special priesthood altogether. That, apparently, is what the Dominican Order is trying to do in The Netherlands. See my latest blog entry, The Mass and the Dominicans in Holland.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

JUST WHEN YOU THINK ST. JOAN'S IS BAD

Rochester Catholic can tell you some stories of what happened when he studied his way back to THIS side of the Tiber!
(WCRSCT to Gerald, who tipped the Curt Jester)
(snarky remarks mine, and in sans serif; the actual excerpts below in serif)

(Excerpts):
When I finally returned, it wasn't too long before I found out that I had entered a parallel universe of Catholicism as it exists in the Rochester diocese.

This parallel universe is the home of a permutation of the Catholic faith that is in some ways barely recognizable in the context of the historical and universal Church. This permutation has resulted in a dearth of vocations, the closing of churches, the closing of schools, and a dramatic decline in Mass attendance.

I thought it would be interesting to recount some of the things that I have experienced or been informed of in this parallel universe since I returned to the Church. I am sure that some of these events will resonate with you. As you read through them, it will be good to remember that these types of abuses will eventually die out. (I would say so - Bishop, I use that term loosely, Clark's been there 30 years; he's gotta retire sometime.) There is a restoration coming. This you can be sure of.

-The first parish that I experienced on my journey home had a preponderance of women with very short hair, dressed in albs, and pretending to be priests. They proclaimed the gospel, gave the homilies, and walked around with Moonie smiles. The last Mass that I participated in at this parish featured a woman homilist who serenaded us with the song "A Bridge Over Troubled Water". It was an appropriate farewell to the stormy seas of this parish that was attempting to prove that women have more testosterone than men. (OH GOD! The Poncho Ladies™ have invaded Rochester! Incidentally, I once had to endure a visiting priest bellow out the Theme from Mahogany - "Do you know where you're going to?" With that, I thought I was going to hell!)

-There was the seven year old girl who participated in the Consecration as part of her First Communion ceremony. (You mean there wasn't a whole class taking part, gathering around the table like one big happy family? Wipe that smile off your face, Spirit of Vatican II, it's sarcasm!)

-There were the liturgies at my daughters' high school in which the priest would stop the Mass and take a vote on which Eucharistic prayer to use. The group that yelled the loudest would win. At the end of Mass, the priest would walk around the room throwing candy to the crowd and high fiving everyone in sight. (Who inspired who? This or the infamous Barney blessing?)

-There was the "Insta Mass" at the University of Rochester at which students in torn blue jeans sat on stuffed couches around a coffee table and celebrated the Eucharist. (I'll admit when he first said "Insta Mass", I thought he meant in and out in 10 minutes.)

-There is the preponderance of homilies that instruct us that all religions are equal pathways to salvation.

-There is the preponderance of homilies that instruct us to love, love, love. That is unless the other person is an orthodox Catholic.

-There was the time that I was chastised by a priest for genuflecting before I received the Eucharist. He held up the Communion line while he scolded me in front of everyone within earshot. (Ah, someone from the Bishop, also used loosely, Tod Brown school of liturgy: GET UP! YOU'RE MAKING A SCENE!)

-Hearing that the only purpose of the Communion rail was to keep the barnyard animals out of the Sanctuary during the pre-Vatican II Church. (Apparently someone actually was stupid enough to give the faithful the impression that people once brought their goats to church! Naaaaaaaah! Billy, git back outside! What in tarnation?)

-Being continually informed that the killing of babies through abortion is of no more significance than a host of other social issues. Air pollution, poverty, universal health care, global warming, and welfare programs are all just as important.

-Having Catholic lay people and priests from outside our diocese constantly exclaim: "You're from Rochester? Oh, you poor thing! How have you ever managed to remain a Catholic?" (That's an easy answer - despite what he's been taught, he knows the truth and that said truth will make him free.)

There is plenty more (Rochester Catholic actually has two posts on this matter!) Now, St. Joan's is bad, yes. And no, it's not ok. But there are worse out there as well.

Peace,
BMP

Monday, August 13, 2007

NEW SONG PARODY

Faith of the Grannies

This isn't mine, but comes from someone who is known as "M Anon" and is a good friend of ours on the RPInet boards. If you check out this thread and scroll down, you'll find the source text. This is the best one I've seen since my friend Jay on another board wrote "Faith of Our Relatives". Dedications range from Poncho Ladies™ to NaPalM to Becker's Litany of Saints.

Tune: ST. CATHERINE or SAWSTON (slightly irregular here)
Faith of the grannies, priest-wannabes,
Faux ordinations on the high seas,
In the procession, three gifts are seen:
Bread and wine, and, thank God!... Dramamine.
Their day's long gone, they grasp at straws
Strive to make sense of menopause.

Faith of the Dinosaurs, double-knit clad,
Dreaming of whate'er "edge" they once had,
And of their glory days, now long gone.
Would they let go, the Church could move on.
Lumb'ring and desp'rate, it is plain
Soon naught but fossils will remain.

Faith of the NPM, (not really "faith")
Quoting for gospel what V. Funk saith
Ah, how mistaken the poor sad things are,
And how they've lowered the aesthetic bar.
Years saying "Ave"s might make amends
For the misdeeds of Funk and Friends.

This he added in a later post, but in the same thread:
Faith of Castrati, don't leave them out!
Some holy men live "with," some "without."
Becker says Origen should be giv'n heed,
When we ask "saints" to intercede.
(Who knew that Becker had the juice,
To decide what's bound and what's loose?)

Faith of myself, and similar cranks,
Carping at motes, no doubt missing planks.
What could the greatest Lit-abuse be?
(Hat tip to Chesterton), why, it's ME!
So here my snarking finds its end,
Contrite, lest some I did offend.

Peace,
BMP

Saturday, August 11, 2007

THE PONCHO SPREADS TO WISCONSIN

Dad29 has the goods on a Poncho Lady™ from West Bend, Wisconsin being ordained in Minneapolis. Thankfully Archbishop Dolan of Milwaukee has enough sense to call such "ordinations" "simulated and invalid".

Dad29 also rightfully states, "Poncho Ladies can be identified because they wear ponchos (pretending that they are chasubles, which are worn by priests.)" I must add that these very ponchos could very easily be acquired at your neighborhood job lot, dollar store, Building 19, and maybe even Goodwill.

He also reminds us, There is also a typo in the article. Ms. Iaquinta did not "discern a call." In reality, she suffers from "delusions of a call." You would think someone her age would have outgrown playing pretend.


As you can see above, these ladies did something even more economical - think bed sheets and tie dye! I'm sure we all wish them well in founding their own religion, because it sure as hell ain't Catholic! BTW, this pic came from Dad29. However, he credited CV for other poncho pics. We're not alone. You can find these in several blogs if you're good at searching. On our blog, just scroll down in our sidebar, look for "Poncho Ladies™" under "Categories" and you'll find stories, pics, and plenty of HT's and RSCT's where there are even more stomach-wrenching stories and pics.

As Brittany (my daughter) says, Poncho ladies, poncho ladies, poncho ladies, ewwwwwwwwwwww!

Peace,
BMP