Faith of the Grannies
This isn't mine, but comes from someone who is known as "M Anon" and is a good friend of ours on the RPInet boards. If you check out this thread and scroll down, you'll find the source text. This is the best one I've seen since my friend Jay on another board wrote "Faith of Our Relatives". Dedications range from Poncho Ladies™ to NaPalM to Becker's Litany of Saints.
Tune: ST. CATHERINE or SAWSTON (slightly irregular here)
Faith of the grannies, priest-wannabes,
Faux ordinations on the high seas,
In the procession, three gifts are seen:
Bread and wine, and, thank God!... Dramamine.
Their day's long gone, they grasp at straws
Strive to make sense of menopause.
Faith of the Dinosaurs, double-knit clad,
Dreaming of whate'er "edge" they once had,
And of their glory days, now long gone.
Would they let go, the Church could move on.
Lumb'ring and desp'rate, it is plain
Soon naught but fossils will remain.
Faith of the NPM, (not really "faith")
Quoting for gospel what V. Funk saith
Ah, how mistaken the poor sad things are,
And how they've lowered the aesthetic bar.
Years saying "Ave"s might make amends
For the misdeeds of Funk and Friends.
This he added in a later post, but in the same thread:
Faith of Castrati, don't leave them out!
Some holy men live "with," some "without."
Becker says Origen should be giv'n heed,
When we ask "saints" to intercede.
(Who knew that Becker had the juice,
To decide what's bound and what's loose?)
Faith of myself, and similar cranks,
Carping at motes, no doubt missing planks.
What could the greatest Lit-abuse be?
(Hat tip to Chesterton), why, it's ME!
So here my snarking finds its end,
Contrite, lest some I did offend.