Patriots helmet tip to Fr. Erik
January--Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February--Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March--Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....Box said '2-4 years!'
April--Trapped on escalator for hours .... Power went out!!!
May--Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June--Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July--Lost breast stroke swimming competition......learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August--Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....Car swamped because soft-top was open.
September--The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October--Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November--Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. Instructions said 1 hour Per pound and I weigh 108!!
December--Couldn't call 911 ..... 'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR:
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?' to which she replied, 'There certainly is!' My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'